Ask Me.

As a child did you ever ask your parents for something absolutely ridiculous? 

I did...all the time actually. 

I remember as a little girl begging my dad to let my sister and I build a wall through the middle of our bedroom so we each could have our own room. I shared a room with my sister from the moment she was born until I moved out in my 20's. Don't get me wrong, I loved being with my sister. We were, and still are, best pals. But I had had enough of her sleep talking, occasional sleep walking, her "little sister" ways and, let's be honest, her mess. We both felt we would benefit from having our own space. So we devised an excellent plan to solve the problem - a wall. Not just a partition but an ACTUAL wall built, drywall and all, through the center of our room. And we were dead serious about this...at least I was! We drew plans on some graph paper and with our color pencils showed where the wall should go. We debated were the door should be and who would get the side with 2 windows (which of course was me. I am, after all, the oldest and bossy like that...duh!). After carefully considering our decisions on furniture placement, deciding who would be hired to BUILD the wall, and rehearsing in our minds how to present our request, we took our design to Dad.

I don't really remember what happened after all of this, but I can tell you - a wall was NEVER built in the center of my bedroom. Knowing my dad, he patiently listened to our plan and thoughtfully gazed at our well drawn "design." He likely smiled, but I'm sure he kept the laughter to himself. In the end he said "no" to our request, but that didn't keep me for adjusting my dream of my own room to his desires for how his little girls would dwell in the house he worked hard to provide. 

Eventually, my sister and I devised a plan that involved using our bunk beds as a "partition" of sorts - one side being mine and the other my sisters. To this plan my amazing dad said "yes." It wasn't what I originally asked for and certainly not what I thought I wanted in the beginning, but I was pretty excited about having my own space. The furniture was moved. I got the side with two windows and she got the side with the door. And knowing myself, I probably made her "knock" before coming over to my "side" of the room.

Writing this has me feeling so blessed to have the dad I have - he is an amazing earthly reflection of my Heavenly Father!

You see, I have this request, this thing I desperately want. It isn't a "bad" thing it is just an "extra" - something that would make me happy. Not just a little happy but a big kind of happy - an overflowing, crying cuz I'm happy, happy. Honestly, I don't know if it is what is "best" for me. I think it is a good thing, but I remain unsure of how God feels about it. My lack of clarity on what the Lord desires in this situation leaves me feeling lost.

Last night I engaged in conversation with my Heavenly Father over it. And you know what He said? 

He said "Ask Me." 

Really, I can just ask You?

I don't know why, but I often feel like I shouldn't ask God for things unless I know it is His will. I don't want to beg for something ridiculous like a wall through the middle of my bedroom. I'm an adult, I can ask for rational things now.

Have you ever prayed like this? "If it's Your will, if I dare ask, if You are okay with it...um, would you maybe, just consider, possibly, I don't know....only if YOU want to...but I'd maybe like it if, um...could You..._____, of course only if You really wanted to do this." I feel like this is a theme in my recent petitions regarding this dream I have. I become so focused on having the right "motive,"  praying in "God's will," and avoiding "begging" that in the end I never have the courage to actually make my request known to Him.

For whatever stupid reason I don't allow myself to ask God for those "walls through my bedroom," those little girl dreams. I'm a big girl now, so I ask Him for big girl things. Like wisdom for the day, patience with the current pace of life, comfort for my hurting friends, and so on. I shy away from expressing to Him what is truly on my heart - in case it might be in some way too "out there" for God. But He already knows what is on my heart and He is fully aware of how deeply I want that little girl dream and I think He longs to hear me ask HIM to fulfill my dreams.

I am His child and He is my Daddy.

"Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives, and the one who seeks finds, and to the one who knocks it will be opened. Or which one of you, if his son asks him for bread, will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a serpent? If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"

Matthew 7:7-11

Oh how happy it made me to ask Him. To pour out my heart's desire, to take my graph paper and colored pencils and show Him exactly how I thought it should go. It thrilled me to crawl into His lap and ask like a little girl for my little girl dream. And somehow, in asking, I was also surrendering...opening my heart to hear His answer, to receive His direction.

How freeing it is to ask as His child, knowing that He will answer as my Father - only allowing what is within His perfect will for me. Only giving me what is absolutely the best. My dad knew the wall through the middle of my bedroom was extreme, but he didn't scold me for dreaming, he did what was best. He may have said "no" but his response helped me to adjust my dreams to fit his plans for me.

"Prayer is not simply getting things from God - that is only the most elementary kind of prayer. Prayer is coming into perfect fellowship and oneness with God." 

Oswald Chambers

My asking is less about getting what I want and more about coming into "perfect fellowship and oneness with God!" I ask for my little girl dream so that He can reveal HIMSELF to me. I ask so that I might understand Him and His will, even if His answer is "no."

So just like my dad said "no" to the wall through the bedroom, my Heavenly Father may say the same of this little girl dream. And just as my dad sent me away to adjust my dreams to his desires for me, my Heavenly Father does the same. By taking my requests to Him through prayer He helps me to align my dreams to His. I give Him my little girl dreams and He returns them as God sized dreams.

This asking is just one part of the process of discerning His direction for me.

He has greater things in store than we can even imagine...if we would just ask.

Hallways

Confession: I just spent a ridiculous amount of time on Pinterest. I spend most of my time on there drooling over women's fashion. If I was rich I'd be the best dressed woman in Wisconsin, but I'm poor so I have to settle for drooling over the pictures posted on Pinterest and going to Target and trying to come up with less expensive ways to look that awesome. It never really turns out the way I want it to.

Anyway. This post isn't about Pinterest or women's fashion.

I came across this quote on there "Until God opens the next door for you, praise Him in the hallway."

It has me thinking about a lot of different things....Please forgive the upcoming excessive use of this hallway/door metaphor....

Here's the deal. I feel like I've been in the hallway for a really long time. I beginning to wonder if He knows He has left me out here. Um. Still here, Lord.

Earlier this year I was going through a particular trial, the Lord clearly closed the door to something I desperately wanted. And when I say desperately, I mean I REALLY, REALLY, REALLY wanted it. I didn't think my desires were really all that out of line either, because what I wanted was something GOOD. The Lord had rather different plans and closed the door.

Cue the sad music.

For some time I sat outside that door and didn't want to budge. I'll admit that initially I was pounding at that door asking - no begging - God to open it for me. He didn't. After a while I stopped pounding, but I allowed myself to emotionally sit outside that dumb door.

I really didn't want to move. I figured as long as I wasn't begging God to give me what I wanted I was okay to just sit outside that door. Seriously, I did not want to move.

I won't go into the details of how the Lord, so lovingly and patiently helped me walk away from that door (oh how perfectly HE loves us), but eventually I did leave that spot. It was a matter of surrender. Of trusting His ways to be far better than my own. To trust HIM and HIS perfect knowledge of what is truly best for me, to accept His perfect will for me, and to let go of those desires I so desperately longed to hang on to.

Um. Cue the happy music, right? I said, happy music? Hmmmm....

I'm still in the hallway.

It is easy to have those, as Oswald Chambers calls them, "mountain top moments" with God. Where He reveals something INCREDIBLE and we stand at the top of a mountain with our arms stretched wide in surrender and praise to Him. But then we have to walk down that mountain...we have to return to our every day lives...we have to continue to walk the hallway He has put us in. This is when it becomes a bit more difficult for me.

I struggle with wanting the Lord's answers and direction instantly. I don't want to wait for Him to reveal these mysteries to me. And I'll admit, I still walk past that door and I have to surrender it all to the Lord again....

To be honest, I'm tired of this hallway. I'm really beginning to wonder if I get to move on from this place. And I wonder, when it comes time to walk through another door, will I have the courage to step through - I feel like the pattern these days is for those doors to close suddenly...

Am I the only one who has ever felt this way?

It isn't like I didn't already know, but the concept of praising Jesus in the hallway is a pretty incredible one. Is that really all that He wants from me while I wander this hallway? I do believe that He is up to something and in the mean time He wants me to learn to praise Him regardless of my circumstances.

I don't know where you find yourself on this journey - if you are in the hallway, knocking on a door, or  about to walk through a door into an amazing adventure. Regardless of where you are on this particular journey - He wants our praise every step of the way.

He is certainly worthy of it.

So here's to the hallway! May He give us the strength to lift our hands in praise to Him no matter how long He keeps us in this place. May He enable us to surrender in obedience to His perfect will for us. May He grant us the courage to knock on doors and walk through them when He asks us to.

Source: tumblr.com via Miye on Pinterest

Stop Telling...

"The purpose of my life belongs to God, not me. God is using me from His great personal perspective, and all He asks of me is that I trust Him...When I stop telling God what I want He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance...He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness." ~Oswald Chambers

I have these words on a post-it note on my bathroom mirror. Which means that every morning these words stare me in the face...or I stare at them...something like that. 

Technically every morning I'm reminding myself that the purpose of my life belongs to God (that's not to say every morning I actually remember to live in the reality that my life belongs to Him). As I stumble through my morning, frantically getting ready for the day - the purpose of it all isn't really up to me. As I think about it I find it all rather amazing - the Almighty God has a personal interest in ME. Um, really? That's in Tiffany, right...huh...really? 

Incredible. 

I'm not sure if it's a girl thing, a Tiffany thing, or just a human thing - but I really desire to have purpose. I want to know that my life isn't for nothing. I want to see that all the crap I go through on a seemingly regular basis has some kind of meaning in it. Otherwise I just feel like a pointless mess. So I set out to find meaning for my life - what is that great, amazing, incredible thing that GOD has called me to do? In what awesome way is HE going to use me? I exhaust myself trying to figure it out, seeming to constantly fail in actually achieving any sense of real purpose. I get up, go to work, come home and repeat...I serve in the children's ministry at church and go to bible study...I read my bible, I pray....I spend time with my friends and my family...over and over and over again. Where is the purpose in that? How, Lord, are You going to accomplish anything of worth in THAT?

Silence.

Well, Lord, if You are going to be so quiet on the matter at hand, let me tell you a few things I think would be excellent options for the "purpose of my life." I really should be teaching - you created me to teach, after all. And while we are at it - I should probably be married and be a mom. If You're listening, Lord, I have some splendid ideas of how all of that should work out. Beginning, of course, with a tall dark and handsome man, who is (of course) in love with You and just happens to be incredibly successful at, well, everything he does. Should I keep going...because I could.

I sound pathetic, how annoying. 

Perhaps the best part of this quote from Mr. Chambers is the part where he says "when I stop telling God what I want, He can freely work His will in me without any hindrance."

Convicting.

"When I stop telling..."  So really I just need to shut up on the matter. Sometimes it is really hard for me to be quiet (understatement of the year). I really enjoy talking. A lot. I think I have some pretty good ideas, too. Not to mention the things I desire really aren't all that extravagant, are they??

Oh friends! If only it was easier for us (and I'm speaking to myself first) to remember that our Heavenly Father has this "Great Personal Perspective." He sees things we do not. He knows things we never will. He is carefully working out His perfect plan for each of us and loves each one of us so intimately He will stop at nothing to see His glory shine through our lives. All He asks of us is to simply TRUST Him.

Really Convicting.

I must stop. Stop telling, and simply accept what He has for me. Seek to exalt Him in all that I do - no matter how pointless it may seem. 

I'm not sure how this makes you feel, but personally I am experiencing a sense of relief. I really don't have to figure it all out. I don't need to discover what that the ONE GREAT thing is God wants me to do. I simply need to live a life surrendered to the Holy Spirit - to trust Him to fulfill His purpose through me. 

Somehow we ALWAYS end up back at SURRENDER. 

"He can crush me, exalt me, or do anything else He chooses. He simply asks me to have absolute faith in Him and His goodness."

Absolute Faith. 

To accept the good, the bad, the happy and sad, the ugly, the boring and seemingly pointless moments of my life as opportunities to reflect the love and life of the LIVING GOD! To remain surrendered to His work in my life, to simply TRUST His promises to me. To have ABSOLUTE FAITH in Him and His goodness.

"...whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." 

1 Corinthians 10:31

Isaiah 42:16

And I will lead the blind

in a way that they do not know,

in paths that they have not known

I will guide them.

I will turn the darkness before them into light,

the rough places into level ground.

These are the things I do,

and I do not forsake them.

~Isaiah 42:16~

 

 

I'm not a bible scholar, so don't expect me to know the full meaning of this particular passage in Isaiah. I believe it is actually a prophetic passage, but Bible School was a long time ago and I haven't taken the time to investigate further. Today, for me, this passage is perhaps the most encouraging verse of scripture I've read all month.

 

"I (this is the LORD speaking) will lead the blind in a way that they do not know, in paths that they have not known I will guide them." I am personally in the process of (trying) to make some major life decisions. I'm not sure if it's being on the verge of 30 or what, but I have been reevaluating my life and my future. As all these thoughts fly around my tiny skull, I feel as if I am blind - completely clueless as to where my life is going - this path I do NOT know....and yet, HE has promised to guide me.

 

"I will turn the darkness before them into light, the rough places into level ground." Have you ever felt completely in the dark in a situation, life in general just seeming "rough?" This is recurring theme in my life. Oh, I wish it were different, but it isn't. I am in the dark. This place I find myself is beyond "rough," it is unknown and uncomfortable. THIS is in no way what my life was supposed to look like 6 months before 30! Honestly, I feel completely unfulfilled, alone, and empty...and yet, HE has promised to turn this darkness, this uncertainty, into LIGHT and to level the ground I am walking on. These words are so comforting to me.

 

And now the icing on the cake, two little lines spoken JUST for me. I supposed you can claim them for yourself, if you really want to...but, really friends, when I read these words I broke down in tears - they are just for me! "These are the things I do, and I do not forsake them." This is what GOD does! It is His very nature to guide me, to turn my darkness to light, and to level the ground I stand on. He does not forsake doing this for me because He can not - I am His daughter, His precious irreplaceable possession - and these are the things HE does! This concept is overwhelming, almost too much for my heart to hold!

 

It is more than true that my life feels a bit out of control as I blindly navigate the rough places HE has brought me to. There are no words to express the joy that is felt in recognizing that He will not forsake me, His purpose for me remains unaltered. My confusion over life's circumstances are not an indication of His perspective on them - He knows exactly what He has allowed. He has chosen to keep me blind to my destination, the purpose for this rough place, but that does not alter the fact that He will guide me. He guides me to places I do not know, which means, to me, the place He is taking me to is nothing like the place I am in today - and that is a comfort.

 

I have been reminding my Dear Heavenly Father (not that He has forgotten) that these are the things HE does!! I am holding to this truth as if it was my very hope of living....because it is.

Be Still

Be still and know that I'm with you

Be still and know that I Am here

Be still and know that I'm with you

Be still, be still and know

When darkness comes upon you and covers you with fear and shame

Be still and know that I'm with you

And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed and sleep no longer comes

Remember all the words I said 

Be still, be still and know

And when you go through the valley and the shadow comes down from the hill

If morning never comes to be

Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go

And lose where you came from

If no one is standing beside you

Be still and know I Am!

Be still and know that I'm with you

Be still and know I AM!

Faithful One

I find no hope within to call my own...for I am frail of heart, my strength is gone, but deep within my soul is rising up a song...here in the comfort of the FAITHFUL ONE.

I walk a narrow road through valleys deep, in search of higher ground on mountains steep. And though with feet unsure I still keep pressing on, for I am guided by the FAITHFUL ONE.

FAITHFUL, FAITHFUL TO THE END
MY TRUE AND PRECIOUS FRIEND
YOU HAVE BEEN FAITHFUL
FAITHFUL SO FAITHFUL TO ME

I see Your wounded hands, I touch Your side, with thorns upon Your brow You bled and died. But there's an empty tomb, a love for all who come and give their hearts to You, the FAITHFUL ONE!

FAITHFUL, FAITHFUL TO THE END
MY TRUE AND PRECIOUS FRIEND
YOU HAVE BEEN FAITHFUL
FAITHFUL SO FAITHFUL TO ME

And when the day is gone, and when the race is won, I will bow down before God's Only Son. And I will lift my hands in praise for all You've done, and I will worship You, my FAITHFUL ONE.

None But Jesus

Good old Oswald brings it home again...

"There is only one relationship that really matters, and that is your personal relationship to your personal Redeemer and Lord. If you maintain that at all costs, letting everything else go, God will fulfill His purpose through your life." O.C.

There is no one else for me....none but Jesus...