I am sick and I do not like it. I have officially decided that it is better to get the stomach flu and not a cold and here is my reasoning:
1. With the stomach flu it is blatantly obvious you should not go to work, leave home, or be in any other place than in bed in a comma. With a cold it is much too subjective. To go or not to go? Then when you decide you are not ill enough to miss work you spend the whole day dealing with the evil looks from your coworkers every time you sniffle or sneeze!
2.The stomach flu, though often violent, lasts for a matter of hours. A cold can go on for days with varying levels of intensity. You could be miserable for weeks.
3. With the stomach flu, once the worst is over, you sleep like a baby for days. With a cold you don't sleep at all because putting your head on a pillow causes your head to fill with crud making you feel like you are going to suffocate to death. The only way to sleep is with medication which makes you feel like a drunk gorilla the next day.
4. With the stomach flu you lose weight. With a cold you are likely to gain because your throat feels better when drinking OJ, tea and…well…eating anything really.
5. With the stomach flu the only part of your body that may become "raw" is easily concealed with underwear and pants so no one sees it. With a cold you will walk around with a nose as red a Rudolph's and no amount of makeup can conceal this.
Clearly this should be enough evidence as to why it is better to get the stomach flu than to have a cold.
I hope that you feel sorry for me now. :) On the bright side, my boss let us wear jeans to work today!! :)
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