Apparently, Spring Break was the last time I felt I had enough breathing room to make a post to my blog. Has life really been that insane? Well, as a matter of fact, it has. The life of a full time student is a busy one and add to that working full time and there is never enough time to think about anything other than the next homework assignment or presentation you have to give. Such is my life. I am told it will only become more insane when I begin teaching. Though, there is hope that after a few years of teaching I may actually think about a few fun things. I'm not sure I believe that, though.
Life has a way of being so unexpected. I am constantly feeling like things are not turning out at all how I thought they would. Good thing I serve the One Living God, who I know never makes a mistakes. Therefore, I must conclude, that my life plans were not all they could have been. Praise God He has had better ideas for me. So here I am, 27 and back living with my parents. Yes, I said living with my parents. It is only a matter of necessity. See, the thing is, I'm actually going to be student teaching in just a few short months, which will require a move to Illinois to live with my dear, sweet cousin who has so generously offered her spare bedroom to me for 4 months. Long story short, there is no point in renting an apartment month to month from October through December. Also turns out they won't let you. So just a few weeks ago I pack up all my earthly possessions (literally everything - and believe me, I've collected a lot of junk over the past 6 years!) into a 10x10 storage unit. Made me think of Matthew 6 - "do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust corrupt and thieves break in and steal....but store up for yourselves treasures in heaven..." Well, that is a rough translation. Having everything I own stored away has me thinking a lot about how unimportant my things really are. They feel oh so important when I miss my own bed and my couches...and while those things are nice to have (and I am blessed to have them) for this time in my life the Lord has asked me to do with out them.
That's just it, I feel the Lord asking me to do with out so much lately. I don't mean that as a complaint, just simply an observation. I know He is taking away these things that make me feel in control so that He can take absolute control of my own life. He has sent me on this path of becoming a teacher, and I have no doubt or fear that HE won't be the one to carry me through every step of the way. He has broken me over and over and I praise Him for never giving up on this stubborn little girl! He is working miracles in my life - beyond what I could ever express to you. I know these next few months will be nothing but sweet surrender to Him and amazing miracles and faithfulness from Him. I am, believe it or not, looking forward to it.
Remember the game of LIFE? Where you spun a wheel to select your career and married based on how many spaces you moved ahead. All by chance children were added to your family and life's decisions were made with very little thought. Then you came to the end and even your treasures in heaven were decided by the number you spun at your last turn (of course we played the Christian version of LIFE). I loved that game. As a child I just loved dreaming and dreaming about what my life would be like one day. How I would fall in love and get married and be a mom and hold my babies and feed them and love them and watch them grow up. I really thought life was as simple as spinning that wheel and moving my little game piece the appropriate number of boxes forward. Life is NOT in anyway that SIMPLE! No one told me! I suppose it they had I never would have believed them. The most complicated thing about life is love and right after that is career. I'm sure babies and children make it complicated as well, but I haven't gotten that far. The biggest thing I am learning as I struggle with this reality is that I want to actually LIVE my life. I want to enjoy every moment and ever phase I find myself in. I desire to make the most of my time as a single woman, to enjoy my freedom, and only having to do my own laundry! I know, eventually (Lord willing), this time of my life will pass and there will be many other things making my life complicated. I do not want to look back, sigh, and wish I had spent less time worrying about love and my career and more time enjoying the time of life I was in. So easy to say, so hard to do!
These are only a few of the many hard lessons I have been learning lately. I hope the world will notice, how wholly my heart belongs to Jesus and even when I do the wrong thing He will use all I do to bring glory to Himself.
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