Show Me How to Die...

I came across this song last night and was overwhelmed by the message in it. I find myself again at a point in life where I feel worn out and weary. I have hopes and dreams and I have watched all of them fade away. I feel beaten down and worn out. I have cried out to the Lord begging for His Glory to shine through me - that in this time of brokenness His love, His grace, His mercy would shine through me to others. I want my agony to have a purpose, to reach others, so that I don't feel I've suffered in vain...

"You could raise me like a banner in a battle, 
Put victory like a fire behind my shining eyes...
But for now just let me lie"

This song reminded me that often, crumbled at His feet is exactly where my Jesus wants me. He wants me to first die to myself - to let go of my own hopes and dreams, to allow Him to live through me.

"Bind up these broken bones
Mercy bend and breathe me back to life
But not before You show me how to die
Oh, not before You show me how to die."

Tonight this is my own prayer. He could raise me like a banner in a battle, He could plant me like a tree beside a river, set me like a star before the morning....but not before He shows me how to die.

So before I ask for my wounds to be healed, for my happiness to be restored, I ask that He first show me how to die (which He has done). These dreams I have, these hopes I so often cling to are nothing compared to knowing Him, to experiencing His love, grace and mercy in new ways. He has brought me to this place for a purpose - so that I might learn how to die. He has only allowed me to reach this point so that He might show me His great love for me.

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me." Galatians 2:20