Never Alone

Never alone
When your hope has been broken and the fear is unspoken but true
You're never alone
Like a dream in a child or a childish dream in you

I'll do anything that I can do 
To show you My love and comfort you
When you can't seem to find your way home
And when life gets too hard to face on your own
I will stand as a light through your darkest unknown
I will walk with you so you're never alone

You're never alone
Like a tear in the ocean or a star on a clear winter night
You're never alone
When the courage you needed has been all but defeated in you

I'll do anything that I can do
To show you My love and comfort you
When you can't seem to find your way home
And when life gets too hard to face on your own
I will stand as a light through your darkest unknown
I will walk with you
So you're never alone

My Nicknames

Nicknames are a big thing in my family, or at least, I love to give and get them. I have many names: Tiffany, Tiff, TT, Tip, Tippy, Tiffer, Tiffers, Fanny Tifton....and the list goes on and gets increasingly more and more embarrassing. Don't get any ideas - these names, if used by the wrong person, can produce a rather negative response.

I'm sure when my mother named me she never thought my name would be twisted into the nickname Fanny Tifton. Well Mom, it happened. I actually love the name my parents gave me. Tiffany means "Appearance of God" and has always challenged me to be a woman who is just that. It tells perfectly my desire for less of me and more of Him.

Of all the names I have been called, I like Teacher the best. I hear this name over and over on Tuesday evenings while I serve with the Preschool and Kindergartners at my church. Hearing their little voices call me "Teacher" is, perhaps, the most amazing sound in the world. I could never put into words the joy that fills my heart every time I hear it.

Last year, at Clubhouse Kids, we memorized Colossians 3:12 "Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Of course these words were put into a song we would sing, complete with hand motions, that will never leave my mind - ever!

The English Standard Version of this verse uses the words chosen, holy, beloved. They are three words I have spent a significant amount of time reflecting on. I've written them in large letters on the inside cover of my journal and I repeat them over and over when Satan tries to convince me I am some other name. 

Chosen - Holy - Beloved

Back in the day I was obsessed with Grey's Anatomy. I watched faithfully every Thursday night and usually cried my way through every episode. I'll never forget when Meredith Grey asked McDreamy to "pick me, choose me, love me." He had to make a choice between her and another woman. That scene is burned in my mind...Meredith begged and I cried. What girl doesn't long to be chosen? To be picked and loved above all others? I don't even want to admit to you how many times I've been standing in front of a man, fearful he won't pick me, and pleading (usually in my mind, cuz it's embarrassing to actually beg) for him to "pick me, choose me, love me." Obviously, he didn't choose me.

It took me a long time and a lot of heartbreak before I finally realized - Jesus has picked me, chosen me, loved me. I don't even have to beg! He chose me before I chose Him. Loved me before I loved Him. Died for me when I was "yet a sinner!" When I was ugly and sinful He reached down and loved the unlovable, the broken and sinful mess that was me.

Are you hearing this?!? This is big and it doesn't end here! He has chosen me, loved me, AND made me holy! Wait. What?!?

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17-18 

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit..." 1 Corinthians 6:19

If only it was actually possible to put into words what this truth means to me! This identity as His. Not only chosen and loved but also given Jesus' righteousness. A new creation - a temple for the Holy Spirit. God dwells in me. Holy. Set apart. His.

Chosen. Holy. Beloved.

Next time Satan tries to give you names of some other kind remind him of the nicknames Jesus died to give you, and then tell him to take a hike.

And if any of you find yourself standing in front of a man begging him to "pick you, choose you, love you" I suggest you turn around and walk away. Until someone is willing to pick you like Christ picked you, he isn't worth your time.

Why...

Um. Why do I have a blog and why on earth are you reading it?

This writing is rather personal and I'll admit at times uncomfortable to think that many of you are reading what is in my heart. Sometimes it seems a little unnecessary. Granted I put it out here for all of you to see....but still. awkward.

For those of you who are wondering why I'm writing (and I am included in that group), I came across these words in Psalm 40...they sum up my purpose perfectly...

"I have told the glad news of deliverance in the great congregation; behold, I have not restrained my lips, as You know, O LORD. I have not hidden Your deliverance within my heart; I have spoken of Your faithfulness and Your salvation; I have not concealed Your steadfast love and Your faithfulness from the great congregation." 

Psalm 40:9&10

That is why. 

You are the "great congregation" and as odd as it may seem at times, this silly blog is my megaphone - my way of declaring the glad news of deliverance in my own life. How can God be glorified if I am not willing to be honest with what He is doing? And who will know of His deliverance, if I don't tell of it? I'll be the first to admit that it isn't always a pretty picture, but I believe my brokenness is beautiful to Him.

I blog because I have experienced the steadfast love and faithfulness of the Lord in such amazing ways I want to tell you about it. I want you to read and say, "God is faithful! God is good! God is love!" I want to some how sort through the messiness of my own life and see God's glory shining through it all. And while reading you may see a great deal of my own heart (however ugly, messy, or pathetic that may be) above all I desire that at the end you find Jesus there. I hope that somewhere in these words, He is there, whispering some sort of truth to you. 

This blog isn't about me....it is about Him...

All Of A Sudden

I woke up this morning with this song on my mind...

"He is jealous for me, loves like a hurricane, I am a tree bending beneath the weight of His wind and mercy. When all of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me."

This week my Jesus has so perfectly reminded me of His amazing, sufficient, and perfect love - a love that is mine. This love, when it is my heart's focus, causes all else to fade into the background. All else dims in the light of His amazing heart for me and there my heart finds rest. As the song says, "All of a sudden I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory and I realize just how beautiful You are and how great Your affections are for me."

As a woman who desires so desperately to be delighted in there is such rest here in this place, where His love is beyond enough.

All of a sudden, I am unaware...

The brokenness of yesterday is forgotten. The rejection is replaced with the knowledge of His unfailing love, how He tirelessly pursues me until I am all His. The images of backs turned and love walking away erased by the picture He paints in my mind of His arms stretch out - open for me. The lies of insecurity crushed by the security found anchored to His grand design of me. The eyes He finds beautiful because He made them beautiful. The smile He delights in because He created it just the way He likes. The freckle on my neck and crinkle in my ear all a part of His magnificent master plan for Tiffany, the woman He died for.

And then, all of a sudden, I am unaware...

Of the mundane daily tasks of life I so often find discouraging. This job so contrary to all He designed me to be is suddenly a gift, a reminder of His provision. This long drive to and from work a meeting place, a time for my thoughts to dwell on my Jesus, to marvel at His creation, and worship.

The empty apartment, the quietness of this place no longer painfully void but an opportunity to be still, to hear His Spirit whisper to me. In this quiet I hear Him sing over me, I literally feel His presence. He is here, He is love, He is mine.

Those dark nights when fear is overwhelming and sleep is lost in memories. When I long to know that the one I miss is beside Him. He is love, even then, always beside me. His words faithful to remind me, "Whoever believes in the Son has eternal life" (John 3:36) and the darkness fades and in a way I could never describe, I am at peace and I know that he is with my Jesus.

And these afflictions, however great or small, no matter how petty or seemingly insignificant are eclipsed - entirely overshadowed by HIS glory, HIS love, HIS faithfulness, by HIM. In that moment they are forgotten and I sink into His strong arms and He is enough.

All of a sudden, I am unaware...

Of how this life could be any different. How could I dream of anything but this? I marvel at how perfectly He knows me, of how He has so wonderfully orchestrated my life to bring me to this place where I have let go and He holds fast to me. This place where He is enough.

Suddenly my prayers for change turn to prayers of praise. I am no longer asking to be taken from this place but begging for Him to stay, for more moments like this, for His perfect will, for nothing to stand in between us.

His love so complete and so impossible to describe....oh how He loves...

Hands Wide Open

I have recently become addicted to music by Meredith Andrews. I suppose there are worse things to become dependent on.  I have listened to her new song "Burn Away" about 5 million times since her new album came out a few weeks ago.

As usual I was listening as I went through the beautification process this morning. Which gets interesting because I need my laptop to listen but I don't want my laptop anywhere near my hairspray...or my curling iron....or my makeup...

For those of you who know me, you know I love to sing. You also know I can't sing and really shouldn't be allowed to sing - EVER. Thankfully, the four walls of my apartment have become a safe place for me to belt it out...my poor neighbors!

As I curled my hair and boldly sang away, the chorus of this song struck me...it only took 5 million listens for the words to reach those back corners of my heart. You know, the dark places where all the cobwebs and dust bunnies congregate.

Chorus:

Burn away
Everything that breaks Your heart
Everything that is not love
Purify my every thought
Take away
Everything that comes between us
Everything that is untrue
Jesus make me more like You
Burn away

Those are some powerful words, Meredith. Oh my. This is where the foolishness in listening while in the middle of the beautification process extends beyond the hairspray issue...the tears began to flow. Which makes for a rather unfortunate situation - tears and recently applied mascara never mix well. I couldn't help it because as those words rushed into those dark corners of my heart and shed light on all that is there to "burn away" I felt overcome. Overwhelmed with the desire to be completely His and recognizing that this process demands He "burn away" all parts of me that are not His, until I can truly sing "Only You, only You! All I need, let nothing stand in between. Make me Yours. Consuming fire, burn away..."

For some reason "Everything that breaks Your heart, everything that is not love, purify my every thought" were easy to admit they needed to be burned away. However, "things that come between us" - well those can be good things. He desires that I surrender all to Him - even the good things in life that may come between us. Things that are good that I may hold higher than Him. I love that He wants all of me. I love the He never stops pursuing all of me. I love that He uses the lyrics in a song to shine light in the dark corners of my heart, on the places He desperately wants to claim as His. I love that when He asks me to let go and I do, I feel His hand holding fast to me.

"You have a mighty arm; strong is Your hand, high Your right hand. Righteousness and justice are the foundation of Your throne; steadfast love and faithfulness go before You." 

Psalm 89:13&14

This concept of total surrender is difficult - even painful. But then who am I to ask God to "take away everything that comes between us" and then expect that not to hurt? The title of the song is after all "Burn Away" and when has that ever not involved pain? Foolish of me to think that cleaning out these dark corners of my heart wouldn't involve some level of discomfort.

It isn't enough for me to simply sing these words. It isn't enough for me to just ask the Lord to make me more like Jesus. I must also do the work of shining light into those dark corners of my heart and clean out those cobwebs and dust bunnies. And, I must surrender.

I must hold all I am and all I have in hands wide open - surrendered to Jesus.