You're Still More Than I Need

I'm sitting in my quiet, slightly freezing apartment wasting away my free Tuesday night, iPod on shuffle, listening to Shane & Shane and this line hits me...

"You're still more than I need...You're enough for me"

He is just that. He is enough. In fact, He is more than enough. And what He has to offer me is more than I need. 

Do you believe this, or are you just singing along with Shane & Shane? Sometimes, I feel like I'm just singing along. I mean, who doesn't love a good worship song, and it's hard to beat Shane & Shane?!? But I so easily forget that my perfect Heavenly Father is not just enough - He is more than enough. He is not only aware of my needs, He is able to meet my needs above and beyond what I could have ever dreamed - because He is more than I need. 

That is what He is - He is enough. 

This is an amazing thought and there is an incredible about of peace to be found in this truth. The past several weeks the Lord has had me on this crazy journey where every day (I'm not kidding, every day!) He has been proving to me over and over again that He is so much more than I need, how He has all details of my life worked out, how I can rest in Him, how I can trust Him to provide, and how capable He is of taking care of me - beyond what I could imagine!

I was having a moment at work today. I may be the only one who has them, but sometimes I get so overwhelmed with the amount of work I need to get done I become completely paralyzed. I'm not kidding. My brain begins to shut down and I begin to have thoughts about pajama days and sleeping in until noon (I don't know why sleep is always my default defense in times of stress.) Anyway, I was having one of these moments where my eyeballs had begun to glaze over and my little brain kicked in to overdrive going through all the things that needed to be done, the things that I wanted to do, and all the ways both of these things could go terribly wrong. I felt myself crumbling...

So I reached in to my purse and pulled out my bible and read Psalm 57, in particular these verses 1-2 & 10.

"...for in You my soul takes refuge; in the shadow of Your wings I will take refuge, till the storms of destruction pass by. I cry out to God Most High, to God who fulfills His purpose for me...for Your steadfast love is great to the heavens, Your faithfulness to the clouds." 

These words are powerful. I read this and I am suddenly taken to a place where I am safe, protected, sheltered, and loved. His love is great, higher than the heavens. His faithfulness, so abundant it reaches to the clouds. This is my God. This is the God who is enough. This is the God I cry to. This is the God who hears me. This is the God worthy of my trust. This is the God who is carefully fulfilling His purpose for me, who has a plan, who knows my heart, and is perfectly capable of meeting my every need because He is more than I need, He is enough. 

***If you want to hear the song I was listening to*** 

You're Enough For Me

Enough. It has been a theme lately. Every time I open my bible, every time I begin to pray, listening to sermons, talking to friends... I'm talking crazy things like randomly listening to a sermon online and having this concept pounded into my head for 45 minutes straight, then listening to my iTunes library on shuffle and hearing a million songs in a row (okay, not a million) with some lyric involving the idea that He is enough for me. Then opening my bible and finding the same message in my reading...over and over...all week. It is as if He has me by the shoulders and is pleeding with me, "I'm enough for you, believe me!" I don't always believe Him. I don't always live my life as though He really is enough for me. But He is. He has been enough on my darkest days, in my lowst moments, He has been enough in the sunshine, in the happy, and during the good. There is no reason to think that He won't be enough today, or tomorrow, or the next day. It would be foolish to doubt His goodness or to think that it could run out or fall short. He is enough and can be nothing less!

Grace

Sometimes I'm so aware of my own failings, my short comings, how little I have to offer and how often I fall short. One moment hands lifted in surrender and the next minute my fist clenched in anger. One moment offering prayers of praise the next moment prayers for forgiveness. I think I have it all together only to stumble and fall, and I wonder how He could forgive me yet again. Sometimes the same sin over and over...

But His Grace always the same, always enough, always freely offered. 

He does not change because He cannot change. He has claimed me as His own and He will not let go. He is faithful when I am not. He who did not spare His own Son but gave Him up for us all...always there arms stretched wide. Forgiveness unending. He is far greater than my failing heart. His love the same yesterday, today and tomorrow. Knowing all, He knows I'll fall again, but He loves just as abundantly today as tomorrow. In today's victory and tomorrow's fight, His grace unending...enough.

What love is this! That He would love a mess like me! 

Broken Bones and Bloody Noses...

I broke my arm when I was a little girl. It actually wasn’t 100% my fault, my brother’s best friend accidentally jumped on my left arm breaking both my ulna and radius bones. I have teased him about this for years, the joke never seems to get old. I’ll never forget seeing my arm unnaturally bent and instinctively knowing I needed my mom – like NOW! Turns out the bones weren’t completely broken, so when I got to the hospital the doctor had to break the bones and reset them so they would heal properly. I think I was a pretty tough kid, in fact, I still think I’m pretty tough, but it hurt. I remember being alone in the exam room with the doctor and the nurse. It had been decided they would not numb my arm before doing the procedure since little kids are terrified of needles (but he didn’t realize I had absolutely no fear of them). They also wouldn’t allow my mom to be in the room with me because I had been to the hospital so frequently with various injuries they seriously thought she might be beating me up. Don’t worry, she wasn’t, I just had a really hard time walking and running without finding some way to put a gash in my face large enough to alarm my mother.

I remember that exam room vividly, my mom’s face in the window in the door and feeling sad she couldn’t be with me. She was out there plotting ways to inflict serious physical harm on the doctor – trust me, she was not happy they didn’t allow her in the room! Anyway, what the doctor had to do hurt, seriously hurt, but it had to be done or my arm wouldn’t heal the way it needed too. I remember a single tear falling down my cheek and the nurse praising me for being so brave.

Life is pain sometimes. It honest to goodness just hurts. The older I get the more pain I experience and the more I see those I love go though painful circumstances too. We all hurt for different reasons and the degrees of our pain may vary – but the reality is sometimes we just have to hurt. I hate that.

There is this circumstance in my life today and I’d like to deny that it’s bothering me, but it’s time to get real, it’s bothering me. It is this lingering ache that intensifies every so often and pain from my past rears its ugly head and I just hurt. What amazes me is how I can be so happy one moment and then the next be brought to my knees in literal agony. I’m not kidding you – agony. My natural response it to find something to numb the pain. I want to be distracted, I want to shut off my brain and not think about it, I want to feel better even if it’s just for a moment. I run around looking for ways to numb this pain and, honestly, none of it actually works and some of it brings even more pain. I have this incredible ability to stuff my hurt back to the farthest corners of my brain and leave it there. Sometimes I even forget it’s back there, but it is back there, and the longer I ignore it the more it festers and grows into something ugly. I know I should deal with it, but it’s easier to find other things to distract me from it.

I was never a very athletic kid, but my brother was. There was this time when my brother was playing soccer with friends and I was the annoying little sister who begged to play, so he put me in the goal. Smart, Matt. It wasn’t long before I had a soccer ball right in the face. My nose was bleeding, but I wanted to keep playing. I remember Matt coming over to me and telling me to go home and deal with my nose – I couldn’t keep playing when I had blood on my face. I was convinced he was just being mean and didn’t want me to play...but I went home.

I’m still that girl sometimes – the one who wants to pretend there isn’t blood dripping down my face and keep playing. I want to clean the blood up and stay in the game, but sometimes we just need to step out for a moment and deal with what’s hurting us.

What I’ve been learning is that I need to simply face that pain. I need to stop seeking ways to erase it from my life and instead feel it. There are these circumstances that are completely out of our control – when someone else hurts us and there is literally nothing we can do about that hurt. It’s there and it isn’t going to go away. And in some cases, the source of our pain likes to step in and hurt us a little more. Like salt on our wounds and what we thought was healing is all ripped up and hurting again. We begin to think we have completely lost our minds, crying over something we shouldn’t be crying over. And our enemy, the devil, sees us with our guard down and capitalizes on our weakness. The battle just got really ugly.

I had to hurt the day I broke my arm – there was good reason for more pain to be inflicted on my little body, because without it I wouldn’t heal properly and I wouldn't be able to use my arm. The pain was actually for my own good. Feeling it meant healing. I wouldn’t heal well if I didn’t experience it.

The pain this life brings us is, yes, really horrible but if we just ignore it or put band aids over it we'll never really heal. It’s an opportunity. In some crazy, God-only way, our Father uses that pain to show us these amazing parts of Himself. Qualities we’d miss if we weren’t curled up in a ball crying our eyes out. We run to other sources of comfort and find relief for a moment, but it really is only in His presence that we can find healing. He doesn’t take the pain away. Nope. He doesn’t miraculously make it possible for us to simply not feel the hurt. I’ve asked Him to do this for me, and He hasn’t decided this is a good idea. Instead He loves, and comforts, and through His Spirit ministers to my little breaking heart. He doesn’t let me skip over the pain but asks me to trust Him in allowing it. I'm thinking, I'm hoping, that this is how it is for all of us...

So it's true, life hurts...sometimes it really hurts. But...

There will come a day, standing face to face. IN A MOMENT, we'll be LIKE HIM. He will wipe our eyes dry, take us up to His side and FOREVER, WE WILL BE HIS!

This is what I cling to in these moments...when life hurts...when the past weighs heavy on me...when I feel alone...when life feels hopeless...I look to HIM and I look forward to that moment when He draws me to Himself, wipes my tears away, and I am forever His. Suddenly, I am surrendered. The pain rages on, but I hold fast to Jesus and His promise to one day take me away to the place where my pain is no more and He is all I see. 

Soap Box

I'm climbing on my soap box. Brace yourselves, this post has been brewing in my mind for some time, it's 3:30 in the morning and I can't sleep - anything could happen.... 

You know that verse in Proverbs that starts out "A godly wife who can find?" Well that verse has been on my brain a lot - only I change it to say "A godly man who can find?" because to be honest, a true man of God seems hard to find. Now when I say "hard to find" I mean completely impossible. Alright...alright, slight exaggeration there, but I'm beginning to think this brand of Christian has been sold out. I can't tell you how many times I've looked friends in the eyes and told them how it is honest to goodness impossible to find a man who is in fact sold out for the Lord. 

Now this might seem shocking to many of you, because there are so many nice young men around. They show up in church in their button up shirts and designer jeans, bibles in hand ready to worship. But let's be real, it is about way more than button up shirts and bibles. I mean, don't get me wrong, I want my man to come to church and look nice. I want him to actually listen to the sermon and pull a bible out to read when we are instructed to. I'd like him to do more than stand, hands in pockets, during worship. However, I'd really like a man who cracks open that bible on a - wait for it- daily basis. Is it too much to ask for a man who might actually utter a prayer in the middle of the week that involves more words than Thank you, Lord for this meal???

Sometimes I get the impression I may be asking too much, perhaps I've set the bar too high? 

Seems to me most single men are more concerned with building their muscles than they are building their relationships with Jesus. I mean, I've encountered some rather good looking men who have all the time in the world to go to the gym and lift weights, but can't seem to find the time to read their bible, pray, or cultivate God honoring relationships with other godly men. Don't get me wrong, I like a guy with muscles as much as the next girl, but I'd take Chandler Bing over Channing Tatum if the words he spoke were coming from a heart filled with the Holy Spirit. 

Now I'm not sure if you have heard, but I'm 30 and the guys who are asking me out are, well...they aren't 18. And some of them, not all of them (so if you are reading this and you have asked me out, don't freak out), are asking themselves and now me, why they are still single. This is actually not a cool question to ask the woman you've decided to take for coffee, but since you asked...stop asking that! Goodness! First of all, there are about five million reasons why you might be single, and if it is really bothering you why don't you stop playing the desperate card and start doing the work of making yourself ready for marriage. I'm finding it to be an incredibly difficult process. When done properly, the Lord gets all up in your business and starts messing with things you'd rather He not mess with. I discovered that just because I show up at church in my high heels and scarves with my bible ready to worship doesn't actually have a single thing to do with the state of my heart before the Lord. Turns out, there is this messy business of dealing with past sin and past hurt, letting go of selfishness and pride, learning how to make Jesus a part of my every day life, and giving up my own wants, needs, desires, hopes, and dreams so that HE can have HIS own way with me. This is messy business indeed. I'm not saying I have it all figured out, I'm just saying  you might want to consider making this a focus.

You may be asking, since I am apparently now talking to my single male readers...which I'm not really sure are a part of my blog traffic..."I'm working on my relationship with Jesus, but why can't I find a nice girl to date me?" Might I suggest you stop saying things like that too? If you really need a project to focus on, let me suggest putting your focus on growing up. I'm talking about doing things like getting a job, getting out of debt, throwing away the clothes you wore in high school, cleaning out your car, learning to do your own laundry, learning to cook, cleaning your bathroom, taking down your Matrix posters and putting up grown up wall decor. Don't panic. She is out there, but most of the solid christian women I know would really rather go out with a guy who is willing and able to pay for her meal without complaining about it. 

Now, finally, since it is after 4am and I'm thinking I should be able to get an hour of sleep tonight, can we all just agree not to worry about all of this? I'm discovering that at every failed relationship or at the end of every bad date is often this feeling of discouragement and fear that it is never going to work out. Looking back, I can honestly say that I am grateful to the Lord that all of my past relationships and past attempts at relationships didn't work out. Every experience has been used by God to do that messy work I was talking about earlier - to refine me and make me more like the woman He wants me to be. If I really believe that God is sovereign, that He is in fact in control, then I need to recognize that it is only because my sight is limited that I feel there are no longer any truly Godly single men left in this world. God's got it. In fact, He has known from before the start of time who I would marry. He's just busy doing the messy work in my heart and his before He brings us together. I pray every day for that man, whoever he is, that God refine and shape him into just the right man for me.

I'm not going to pretend I'm perfect, but I do think I deserve a man who's heart is sold out for Jesus, and I refuse to settle for anything less.

Summer

Summer makes me happy. I don't know if it's the endless winters here in Wisconsin or because my birthday always seems to mark the unofficial start - it just makes me happy. The sun feels warm on my skin while I'm driving in the car. I can finally leave the house without a coat on. I get to wear flip flops. My plans are made around the next visit to the pool or evening jog. I eat watermelon and hamburgers like they are going out of style. Hair in a messy ponytail, sun burned cheeks and shoulders, sunglasses, iced tea, sunsets and summer nights. It feels a little bit like heaven and these last couple days have been almost more heaven than I ever thought possible. 

Just a few days ago I celebrated my 30th birthday and I have found myself in the process of celebrating with one friend or another over the course of the past 7 days. And what I expected would be the most difficult birthday of my entire existence has turned out to be one of the most amazing birthdays of my life. 

That is saying a lot, because one year I got a real baby stroller for my birthday - that day was pretty fantastic. And the authentic baby accessories didn't stop there. I was even given real baby diapers and bottles for my doll. And as I pushed my precious baby, Matthew, in his new stroller, I was pretty sure then my life had reached an all time high and it was only going to be down hill from there. That was last year...kidding, kidding...I was probably 7.

Then came along my 16th birthday and while visiting my grandparents in Florida we made a stop to see the ocean. My tan little Midwestern toes had never felt the salty sea water before and I tried to play it cool, but as I watched the waves crash and felt the cold water my heart filled with emotion and I was perfectly happy. Even when the dark gray clouds came in and poured down rain, I couldn't have dreamed up a better moment than that one. 

But this year, on my 30th birthday, I did all my favorite things. I slept in until 10 in the morning and I had breakfast in my pajamas. I sat on my patio and took my time reading my bible and scribbling in my journal. I listened to my favorite music and went to the pool. I sat in the sun for hours and have peeling skin on my shoulders to prove it. I was brought pasta, Diet Dr. Pepper, and got to spend time with one of the most amazing little girls on this planet. And then in the days the followed I spent time with the people I love most in all of the world. And we have laughed and eaten and opened presents.  I watched What About Bob with my family and we quoted our favorite lines. I scored awesome parking spots and sweet clearance buys with my best friend. And we walked and shopped and talked and remembered all the years we've had together and with out actually saying, declared that regardless of how difficult life may became we will always be in each other's corner. I laughed with girlfriends over massive servings of fried chicken and actually felt thankful I was single so I could have so many nights out in a row. I searched for my desk in a sea of pink presents from my coworkers and plan to share the massive amounts of candy with anyone who comes in my office for the next 6 months, but the case of Diet Dr. Pepper is all mine.  I had long phone calls with far away friends, emails from old friends, and stayed up late playing on my new iPhone. I have done all of this and more and every night for the past 7 days I have gone to bed too happy to sleep. 

And then today as the birthday blessings continue to pour in, I ate pasta with another best friend and told her how wonderful 30 was turning out to be. And between sips of lemonade and bites of chicken I told her how Jesus had so graciously reminded me of how He redeemed me and loved me with a love that never fails. How He has used so many people to remind me of His great love for me.  How I felt joy. Not because I had sunburn on my cheeks or an iPhone, not because of a person or a circumstance but because Jesus loves me. I felt happy. He has, in His great grace, given me so much to find happy in my life. 

So tonight, as I watch the pinks and purples of a beautiful sunset from my little patio, I am more than happy. I am full of joy - a joy that could only come from the Lord. He has been good. For 30 years He has lavished me with grace and love I could never deserve. He has loved me like none other. And on top of all that - He has given me summertime - full of warm days and pool time, family and friends, sunburn and tan lines, flip flops and sunglasses....

These days have felt like more heaven than I could have dreamed of and I want to enjoy every moment of it!

jump

Sometimes, every once in a while, I have this sense that HE is up to something great, something mind blowing, something far beyond my dreams. And I feel HIS joy rush in like waves and crash over me. He lifts my head and I am suddenly so aware. This place. This valley. So full of purpose. So full of His perfect plan for me. His promises so trustworthy. For a moment He allows me a peek, a little taste of what He is up to and my heart is filled with hopes and dreams and wonder. He hides me in the cleft of the rock and with His hand over me His glory passes by. And I feel my lungs fill with air and my eyes open wide. He is here, He is beside me, He is up to something far beyond my dreams. All He asks is that I trust Him, that I step out in faith and with courage - jump! And in those moments I feel my soul leap - complete abandom - for I am His and He is mine.

I waited patiently for the LORD; He inclined to me and heard my cry. He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog, and set my feet upon a rock, making my steps secure. He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God.
Psalm 40:1-3a

I cannot get these words out of my mind. They have been playing over and over in my head like a song that won’t stop. “He drew me up from the pit of destruction, out of the miry bog…” It’s ripping at my heart…that He drew me up…up from this pit…up from this filth.

I was listening to a sermon this weekend and the speaker mentioned how Jesus came to this earth – this miry bog – to lift me out of this pit. In the past, in my mind, as I’ve read this familiar passage He was always reaching for me from Heaven. But when I think of Him coming down to this pit, stepping into the utterly filthy world so that He might “draw me up” - suddenly I see myself there, so filthy and sinful, so unworthy of love, so broken and bruised and yet He comes. He loves me and He serves me and in the process He is dirtied by this filthy world, by this sin all around me. And with His strong arms and in His great love for me, He lifts me out and dies to do it. I don’t even reach for Him, I don’t even ask Him to…He just does. I’m overwhelmed with this thought and my sobs get stuck in my throat. The Son of God on this earth to rescue me. How can this be?

And more, He draws me up but then “sets my feet on a rock, making my steps secure.” He rescues me and then gives me a safe, firm, reliable place to stand. He doesn’t just get me out of my mess and leave me to figure the rest out on my own. He makes my steps secure. He sets me on a rock. And He puts a “new song in my mouth.” He gives all of Himself for me – to draw me out of the miry bog, He offers me security and safety and love and then He gives me His JOY.

What is breaking my heart tonight is me. I go back to that pit of destruction. I always go back. I hate that. I don’t know what sin you struggle with, I don’t know what battle you find yourself in day after day – that thing the enemy uses to lure you back into that pit, but I don’t think it matters how big or small your battle may seem. The end result is you in that pit. And for weeks now, even months, I’ve been finding myself back in that miry bog, back in that pit of my old life, the old me. I feel the filth of my sin on my skin, in my hair, on my face and I’m disgusted with myself. I am sick over the reality that I would give up the security of this Rock for the filth of that pit of destruction. But what turns my tears to sobs is the picture of Jesus stepping down in to that pit to lift me out. The filth of my sin on HIS skin, in HIS hair, on HIS face. Over and over He rescues me. Over and over He loves me. And no matter how angry and broken I may become He still whispers in my heart, “My beloved, as far as the east is from the west, I would seventy times seven.”

What love is this? Over and over He rescues me, loves and forgives with no limits, wants me like no other, and heroically draws me out from the pit and sets my feet upon a rock. I am foolish and stupid, thinking this world could offer better. I even stand on the Rock He has set me on and dare to think it isn’t enough, that there is something there in that pit of destruction worth betraying Him for. So over and over He finds me there and never once has He ever left me there. Never once has He ever forsaken me. Not once has He shamed me for ending up there. No. Never. Instead, over and over, seventy times seven, He comes down. He loves. He rescues. He cleanses. He saves.

“He put a new song in my mouth, a song of praise to our God” only with this lump in my throat and these sobs I cannot sing….all I can do is fall at His feet.

His song plays over and over in my mind. Beloved. As far as the east is from the west. I would seventy time seven.

I want to be...

I want to be a Godly woman. I want to be thought of as someone who love Jesus with all her heart. I want a life marked by His love, His life, His glory. 

I want to be an optimistic woman. You know, one who sees the glass as half full, not half empty.  I want to be strong, resilient. One who has had life knock her down, but has never let it take away her smile. I want to be a woman whose strength makes her approachable and able to relate to others, not cold and hard. A woman who has found joy in the dark places. I want to be a woman who raises her hands in surrender - not in a cry of "I give up" but as a choice, an act of worship. I want to be a woman who smiles when it rains and cries when she is happy. I want a life marked with joy. I want to be a woman who dances to country music while she does the dishes and isn't afraid to sit alone in silence. Who always sees the best in people and looks for the positive in even the most negative of situations. I want to be a woman who doesn't need to look in the mirror to know she is beautiful. Who takes care of her body and sees life as a gift. I want to be confident, funny, and successful. The kind of woman who can "do it all" but doesn't act like she "knows it all." I want to be the woman who quietly serves and doesn't look for recognition. I want to be a woman who prays. Prays.all.day.long. Who has a heart so connected to Jesus His name is the first and last on her lips every day. I want to make mistakes and be allowed imperfection. I want people to smile when they hear my name - regardless of what our history may be. I want to be a woman who doesn't hold on to her past, but instead lets things go. Who recognizes God's hand in her life and gratefully accepts all He offers her. I want to be a light. I want my life to be about pushing back the darkness and giving God glory.

I could go on and on about all the things I want to do and the woman I want to be...but nothing produces any of this until I actually step out and do what I must to become her.

Eternity

Can we just take a moment to reflect on eternity? Just for a moment stop our striving and think on Jesus?

I'm a ashamed to admit how easily distracted I become. Spending so much of my time chasing after things that don't really matter, I mean they do matter a little, but not really, and in the light of eternity their importance fades significantly.

There are times when this song comes on the radio or on my ipod when I have to simply stop, breathe, and maybe even cry. Last year about this time life hurt and when I say life hurt I mean "knife in my heart, how do I get out of bed?, where is Jesus?" kind of hurt. During that time I'd tell myself to hold on, give it time, it will get better. But now it has been a year, and I'm wondering what is better? It seems to me we are hurting just as much.

There will come a day, standing face to face, in a moment we'll be like Him.

He will wipe our eyes dry, take us up to His side and forever, we will be His.

I can't even type the words without getting that lump in my throat and tears in my eyes. Sometimes I'd like to just run away into His arms, to be with Him, near Him...but I can't. Not today. My Bridegroom is away, preparing a place for me. I must wait here for His return. That doesn't mean that as I wait I don't ache to be with Him, literally ache.

What I am trying to say, to remind myself and you, is this life is just a moment in light of eternity. These afflictions are truly "light" and "momentary" and we are just blinded by the inadequacy of our human eyes, unable to fully comprehend eternity and thus weighed down but what seems like a long time to wait and suffer. I believe with all my heart, all that I am, everything in me that THIS LIFE IS A MOMENT and the happiness I crave here on earth could never compare to the happiness HE is preparing for me in my true home in heaven.

That's what I'm chasing after - happiness. Fair enough, I think. What's wrong with happiness? I want it in a job, I want it in a relationship, in a nice typical Midwestern American family, in ministry and in life. I look for it while shopping - filling my home with things to make it cozy. I search for it in relationships - friends to keep me company, a man to love. I long for it while working - thinking this job will be my security. I try to store it up in my bank account, watch for it in movies, and hunt for it on facebook. All while discovering that none of it lasts. Someone hurts me, my job gets boring, and my bank account is empty!

That's how I'm beginning to feel about this life and all the things I chase after - they are empty. I want more, I want Jesus. I want a life that is His. I want to suffer and see Him glorified, I want to succeed and see Him praised, I want to live and see Him honored!

You may feel truly "afflicted in every way...perplexed...persecuted...struck down..." and as I get older I am beginning to realize that life is suffering. We experience hurt, and loss, and sickness. There are days the sun shines brightly and weeks when the clouds cover all hope. But for those of us who are children of God, heirs to His promises, citizens of His heavenly kingdom we get to focus on the best part of that verse in 2 Corinthians - "but not crushed, not driven to despair, not forsaken, not destroyed"

Can we just stop? Just for a moment close our eyes and daydream about what Jesus is doing for us right now? He's preparing a place for us! Sometimes at night, in the darkness of my bedroom and the dimness of my suffering I whisper to Jesus a plea for Him to come back for me. And I beg Him to give me a heart that chases after Him, not happiness. A heart that recognizes I am a citizen of His Kingdom living in an earthy kingdom - that eternity is what I live for not the things of this world. There will come a time - in a moment, we'll be like Him. In that moment, face to face with Jesus our existence will be all about Him, and we will worship Him, you and me, together, with Him!! Are you getting this!?! I'd like to shout it from the roof tops! ETERNITY! That is what we life for! "For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond ALL comparison."

My life is about Him, about Jesus. I live for Him and His glory. Not for friends, or houses, or jobs, or dreams of family and white picket fences. When He claimed me as His own He claimed my dreams too.

Can we just stop for a moment and reflect on eternity with Jesus - eternity singing blessing and honor and glory and power forever to our God!

Yes, give me some of that. Give me a moment to be moved, a moment to remember I am a citizen of heaven, a moment to stop chasing after the wrong things, a moment to stop focusing on my own circumstance, a moment to look with eyes of faith and trust and hope to the promise Jesus died to give me - the promise of eternity with Him!

Good Friday

I love Easter. If you asked me what my favorite holiday is, most of the year I'd say Easter. I get a little more conflicted around Christmas and New Years. Anyway, there is a reason why Easter is my favorite time of year and this Easter I have been remembering that day not too many years ago when it became my favorite holiday.

I was a rather broken woman at that point in my life. I remember lying in my bed in my apartment in Kenosha. I was alone. The most alone I had ever felt in my entire life. I had begun to hate that apartment and all that it represented - my life slowly and dangerously adrift as I sought to meet my own needs, live life my way, and only allow Jesus into the parts of my heart that didn't demand any kind of serious life change. My heart was no longer His but my own. I had pushed Him back to the farthest, smallest corner. Stuffed away so He wouldn't mess with the things I wanted desperately to cling to. But He didn't die to live in the farthest, smallest corner of my heart. He died to consume all of me and He fought, pursued, chased, pushed, and pressed on my heart until it broke....until I gave in and realized HE was all my heart really wanted, until I finally surrendered all.

I remember how dark the room was, the glow of my ipod, the way the lights from the parking lot made lines on the wall like a prison cell. I felt like I was in prison, my covers weighing down on me like a wet beach towel, or maybe the heaviness was my heart and not so much my covers? I remember wanting so desperately to cry out for Jesus, but I felt such shame. I was completely lost. I was once all His and somehow, somewhere I had pushed Him away and made my life mine.

I hope none of you have ever felt so far from Jesus you can't even find the words to speak to Him. I felt like a child who had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar - busted for my sin and now too ashamed to even speak to the One who had died to save me from it. 

I hope I never forget that moment, so totally empty all I could say was Jesus. In a whisper and almost a question as if to ask, Are you still there? Even when I pushed You away? But all my lips could form was one word, but it was all I needed to say...Jesus. Then the song, the piano, the guitar, those first few notes and those first few words....piercing through the cracks in my broken heart until they reached those far corners in the back. And just as soon as His Name left my lips, Jesus filled every part of my broken heart. 

And with those words and that moment He reminded me..."But God shows His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us."

I remember the tears that came and how wet my pillow got. How I played the song over and over. How my heart felt like it might burst. How He used my brokenness to open my eyes to my desperate need for Him. How with one whisper He came rushing in. How suddenly the weight of my sin, the price that He paid, the day that He died all became so incredibly real. It was for me, for me He died. My sin held Him there. This sin held Him there. And even when I pushed Him back into the farthest, smallest corner He never left. He waited, He pursued, He loved. Me. This selfish, broken, messed up girl. He loves!

And with a whisper and a song, just a few days before Easter He rescued a lost little girl. She finally let go and He held fast. Oh how I love Him, Savior and Friend!

Up Calvary's mountain one dreadful morn

Walked Christ my Savior, weary and worn

Facing for sinners death on the cross

That He might save them from endless loss

Blessed Redeemer, Precious Redeemer

Seems now I see Him on Calvary's tree

Wounded and bleeding, for sinners pleading

Blind and unheeding, dying for me

"Father, forgive them," my Savior prayed

Even while His lifeblood flowed fast away

Praying for sinners while in such woe

No one but Jesus ever loved so

Oh how I love Him, Savior and friend

How can my praises ever find end

Through years unnumbered on Heaven's shore

My songs shall praise Him forevermore

Motivation

What's your motivation?

Do I love Jesus simply because He loves me? Or is my love for Him motivated by what I desire to receive from Him?

These are questions (among many others) that were raised while I was sitting in a pew at church last weekend attending a conference for women. Within (what felt like) minutes of the start of the conference my heart was being challenged. I expected God to do this - because I had asked Him to challenge me and He took me up on my invitation. I'm always surprised when He does this...I really should start to get used to it.

It began with something like "Give God the ONE THING you're afraid to lose." Say what? I was thinking something more along the lines of a good message on prayer or a challenge to have a more positive attitude or something relatively "easy." Not that "anything" I am legit afraid of losing!! Talk about off to a great start...I had that lump in my throat, that feeling of "oh my! He's going to go there today."

Yep. He went there.

Anyway, during the main session of the conference the keynote speaker was sharing  a story about her young son. She said every once in a while he crawls up into her lap and loves on her and then...before not to long he is reaching for the iphone in her back pocket. She was comparing what her son does to what we often do with our Heavenly Father. He longs to give us just His love, knowing this is really all that we need, all while we are constantly reaching for the iphone in His back pocket. The "iphone" being that "anything" we desire above His love.

This analogy has been running through my mind since she shared it with us on Saturday. The more I think on it the more I am aware of my lack of surrender, my pride, and what motivates me in my walk with Jesus. I began thinking about how I am so much like her young son - how I love on God simply to get what I want from Him. I want security, protection, blessing - so I devote my life to Him and expect that He give me those things in return. Then when He doesn't do what I think He ought to do I find myself grumbling, thinking that I have done the right things so why isn't HE doing HIS part. For real, how ugly is that? Writing it out is actually rather embarrassing. I've typed and deleted that thought about 5 times now. It's the truth, though, so it has to be said.

Let's be real, what of those of us who honest to goodness LOVE Jesus only to have horrible things happen in our lives? To have good things seemingly ripped from our hands. Blessings stollen away, security shattered, and protection entirely thwarted. All while we have done nothing but love Jesus and give our lives to Him!? Why would a loving God allow horrible things to come upon His children?

Honestly, it kind of blows my mind....but God does work this way. I so easily forget that His ways are so far above my own - I can't possibly comprehend them. We live in a world that has been poisoned by sin. Which means, bad things happen. Trials come. Hearts break. Do I love and trust Him enough to accept even these things as allowed by Him?

Let me tell you, it is darn easy to stand at a women's conference with arms stretched wide before the Lord and declare (while the music plays of course) my own surrender, my desire to be completely His. I'm actually feeling rather comfortable there in my H&M shirt and my scarf, hair and makeup just so. I don't feel sick, or tired, worn out or lonely. It isn't like this isn't a sincere moment - but when the rubber meets the road, when life comes crashing down around you, it's a whole different ball game. I'm watching some people pretty close to me suffer in a rather significant way and I'm pretty positive that when they surrendered their lives to Jesus they didn't have these "rewards" in mind.

Truth is sometimes I find myself loving Jesus for what He could give me. I desire to be a woman of integrity so that He will allow me to marry a man of the same character. Jesus, I want to be sold out for You, but can I keep my H&M clothes and my scarf? Oh and don't ask me to be single or to stay at that job or move to that place, etc....Jesus, I love You. Don't You think it's time You started to give me those good things I've been waiting for? What good is it if my motivation for becoming a godly woman is only for what I can gain?? It is pointless....completely empty.

God wants to lavish us with His love and His love alone. He doesn't want us reaching for the iphone in His back pocket. He desires our devotion to Him to be motivated entirely out of love for Him. Period.

Sometimes I feel like God is keeping my "anything" in His back pocket to torture me. As if to say, if you love Me enough and do the right things enough times then maybe I will let you have this "anything" I am keeping here in My back pocket - maybe.

That's just ridiculous...typing it out for you to read makes me feel rather foolish. It isn't like I don't know this isn't in any way how God works. He doesn't dangle good things over our heads like a carrot. In fact, that is one thing that makes God so incredible - He lets us make our own choices! He WANTS us to make our own choice. It's called free will. He doesn't want us to choose Him because He talked us into it or forced us to.

I'm reminded of the song Oh How I Love Jesus. Do you know it? Oh how I love Jesus, Oh how I love Jesus, Oh how I love Jesus because He first loved me. It doesn't say because He's going to give me everything I want and make my life a happily-ever-after-fairy-tale. Nope. Just because He loved first.

I want my motives to be pure, but so often I feel like they are muddled up by my pride and my desire for certain things in life. When I tell Jesus He can have EVERYTHING I want to mean EVERYTHING. I want it to come from a place of pure and total surrender. I want to love because He loved first. I want to surrender because He is God Almighty, completely trustworthy and capable of handling all my hopes and dreams - however big or small. I want my life to be HIS - not for what He could give me but because of WHO He is. Period.

Take Heart

Never underestimate God's ability to use your own hurt to comfort another. Embrace the opportunities He gives you to love and comfort those who are hurting. Be fearless in your willingness to feel your own pain in order to comfort those around you. Be bold in admitting what things are difficult for you - your courage may inspire another person to do the same. Believe on those nights you cry yourself to sleep, you feel too weak to carrying on, and you can't find purpose in your circumstances that HE IS "preparing for [you] and eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison." Hold fast and when you can no longer hold on - He will hold fast for you. Allow yourself to be real and accept when things are too much for you. It is at that moment - when you have finally surrendered - that the Almighty will rush in and be all that you need. Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself, and Jesus has provided you with all that you need today. Remember that all pain, however great or small, is pain all the same. Don't allow guilt to creep in and make you feel you are weak because "it could be worse" or "you should be over it." Jesus never classified pain nor gave a timeline for it. Pain is pain, don't apologize for hurting. Take heart, there is purpose even in this dark place, for it is all a part of His grand story and the story ends with Him in eternity. Until that time, never underestimate God's ability to use your own hurt. He works all things for His glory - give Him the glory even in this!

Checking in...

Something I love about being in a relationship is the constant text messaging. I'm not certain he enjoyed the constant text messages, but I certainly did! You know, the good morning text and the good night text and all the messages in between that, for the most part, served no other purpose than to let the other know you were thinking about them? It is an essential part of any real relationship in 2013, right up there with making things "facebook official" (oh my!). It's just plain old nice to have someone to share in those meaningless moments of life like: "I'm wearing my new earrings" or the frustrating situations like: "This payroll may be the end of me" or sweat nothings like: "I miss your face." Thanks to technology we can even text pictures of our lunch with the caption "yummy, peanut butter!" None of these messages seem all that important, but at the moment it feels like heaven to have someone who cares enough to not only receive, but delight in responding to those meaningless text messages. There are very few people whom I text randomly through out the entire day, every day, every week! I just don't have the time for that, unless of course you are tall, dark and handsome. In which case, text away and please include a picture text message of your handsome face!

Now don't mock me for turning this into something spiritual, but it was on my mind this morning so I thought I'd share....

How often do you check in with God each day? I'm not talking about sending Him meaningless text messages. I'm talking about inviting Him in to every moment of your day. I think there is something to be said about communicating with Him through out the day - not just to tell Him what you need or what You want. Connecting with Him to tell Him you love Him and share with Him your feelings about little details in your day. You might be surprised the way He listens and how well He responds.

There was a time in my life when my only communication with my Heavenly Father was to ask Him for something. Sometimes I was lucky if I even got around to talking to Him in a day. How pathetic is that? No wonder my life was so full of fear! My Father has been diligently working to transform my heart (it's God-sized job) and one area of my life that shows significant evidence of this is the area of communication with Him. Our conversations have changed. Changed because I have changed. God is no longer my good luck charm to get me through rough days. He is my Companion, my Helper...He is the One who delights in receiving and responding to me every moment of every day.

I first noticed it when I would wake up in the night and I would be praying. I'm not even sure how to describe it to you, but it isn't uncommon for me to whisper to Jesus in the middle of the night. Before you start thinking I'm off my rocker...I'm not alone in this - King David talks about the same experiences...you may call me crazy - but I'll take the company of King David on this one.

"At midnight I rise to praise you, because of your righteous rules." 

Psalm 119:62

"My soul will be satisfied as with fat and rich food, and my mouth will praise you with joyful lips, when I remember you upon my bed, and meditate on you in the watches of the night." 

Psalm 63:5&6

"By day the Lord commands his steadfast love, and at night his song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life." 

Psalm 42:8

Sometimes I feel like I never stop talking with Him! I wake up and my thoughts are on Him, I drive to work and we are chatting away with one another, and at various times throughout my day my thoughts are turned toward Him. We laugh over my ridiculousness and over those "did that really just happen to me?" moments. He reminds me of His love for me and all the promises He keeps for me. I'm either schizophrenic or this is what it looks like to be in a real relationship with the God of the universe! I suppose to the outside world it may all sound a little crazy....I don't care.

Which brings me to something else incredible - we have direct access to GOD ALMIGHTY! Just take a moment to let that sink in. I am the princess of the Most High God and I can come running into His throne room at any moment of any day and He will hear me. He knows all I'm about to tell Him, but He delights to be a part of all those little moments in my day. I mean, in light of eternity, does it really matter that I have my new earrings on? Of course not, but He delights to hear me thank Him for something as simple as earrings.

One day Mr. Prince Charming will be blowing up my phone with random text messages (and I will love every minute of it!), but until that time Jesus has taught me to be content with life just as it is. Perhaps allowing the text messages to stop for a bit was His way of reminding me He wants my full attention and enjoys it when I check in with Him randomly throughout my day.

My [ugly] Heart

Ever have a day when your heart is plain old ugly? No one knows by looking at you, but on the inside you're one crabby, complaining, hot mess?

Often times behind the exterior of this fashionable, well dressed, not so ugly woman is a rather ugly heart. I know, shocking, isn't it?

It's true and it really annoys me. Especially those days that begin so well. I've managed to actually HEAR my alarm and get out of bed at a decent time. I've had my coffee and spent time in prayer. I've finally did my laundry so I have a cute outfit to wear. I've rocked out with Hillsong on the drive to work and I step out of my car with the good intentions of being nothing less than the beautiful woman HE created me to be. And within minutes I'm sitting at my desk and the smallest little something has turned my heart to complaining, frustration, and dare I say...anger!

I should add that somewhere between the coffee and the prayer I inadvertently put on a big old sign that says, "Hey Satan, come get me!" I feel like I shouldn't be surprised when the days that start off well are the hardest to finish well. Every time I'm shocked when living in the power of the Holy Spirit proves to require more discipline than I originally thought. You'd think I'd get it by now...

I can't tell you how many times a week I put my makeup on and pray at the same time the Lord would make me beautiful within - not just on the outside. Sounds super spiritual of me, doesn't it? Don't be fooled. The asking is the easy part, the challenge is the changing - actually being a woman who is beautiful on the inside isn't as easy as applying some foundation and eyeshadow! Every time I'm shocked when He takes me up on my request to change me. He never forces Himself in, but waits for me to surrender and then HE shines HIS light into those dark corners of my heart and I inevitably see something ugly. Where did that come from?

All this brings to mind Romans 3:10 which says "None is righteous, no, not one." I think it is often so easy for me to think I've got my stuff together and then - these days come and this verse seems truer of me than any other verse in the bible.

It's so easy to hang my head in frustration and shame. Do you ever do this? Oh friend, how He loves us - even when our hearts are ugly! This may be my favorite thing about my Heavenly Father - how He loves me. How He never condemns me or points a finger at me to say "Huh, so all that stuff this morning about being a beautiful woman on this inside meant nothing?!?" He loves me just the same. His Spirit convicts me of my heart of sin, I am forgiven, and we move on.

I'm reminded of these verses...

"For our sake He (God) made Him (Jesus) to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21

"Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so ONE ACT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS leads to justification and life for all men. For as by the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the ONE MAN'S OBEDIENCE the many will be made righteous. Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 5:18-21

(Um, Amen doesn't seem enough for all the truth packed in those verses!)

We are REDEEMED individuals living in a broken, messed up world in sinful, human bodies. And it's a battle we fight daily against the flesh and against this world. When I say battle I mean an all out WAR because some days it takes a fight to overcome this ugly heart of mine. It takes will power to step out of this ugliness and even that isn't enough. In my own strength I am worthless. Jesus knew what He was doing when He gave us the gift of the Holy Spirit - God IN us. This gift given for those days that start off so well and then the battle rages and we can't overcome on our own. In those moments we are given a choice - to walk in the power of our Helper, the Holy Spirit, and live in the victory that is already ours through Christ!

Oh, for the strength to not give up or give in! May Jesus scrub those ugly corners of my heart with His REDEEMING blood. What I find there may indeed be ugly, and the "scrubbing" away may seem like a never ending and often painful process. But He died to give me (and you) this victory - He desires to claim every hidden corner of my heart! He longs to make me beautiful on the inside. There is none righteous - except for Christ. Whose righteousness was sufficient to make us righteous in spite of our plain old ugly hearts!!

50 Reasons Tuesdays are the best...

• Reasons 1-7

• Fruit Roll Ups for snack! Forget stale animal crackers, we know how to get snack DONE!
• The way Sara likes to pretend to be a cat - she's crazy good at this and manages to stay in character for most of the night.
• "Miss Tiffany, here is a snack for you" (child presents a plate full of plastic food)
• Isaiah in his Packer hat
• Me to student: "What did you name your new dog?"
  Student to me: "Tiffany...hahahahaha"
  Me to student: "Oh really?"
  Student to me: "No, I'm just fooling you!"
• Averi (who only speaks to say "I have to go to the bathroom") volunteers to pray: "Jesus, thank you for my mom and my dad and this snack. Amen." melts.my.heart!
• "Can I sit by you?"
• "Teacher Tiffany, I think I love you!"
• After the WHOLE class declares Jesus is their favorite super hero, Isaiah answers nervously: "Super Man is my favorite super hero!" Thanks for being honest, Isaiah, I think Jesus understands!
• "Miss Tiffany, please stop singing!"
• Ryan's face when I say something RIDICULOUS! Now I just make stuff up to see his eyes open wide!
• Teacher Krista
• "Hold my hand?"
• "Careful Teacher Tiffany, that spot right there is hot lava!"
• All those smiling faces when I stand up to teach
• Follow the leader lion style
• Worshiping Jesus with a bunch of 4 and 5 year olds!
• Overheard after a lesson on trusting God when we are afraid: "Teacher, I'm afraid of the dark...but not anymore because I trust God!" be.still.my.heart!
• The INTERLUDE
• The way Ryan sits "criss-cross-applesauce" with his hands folded in his lap. You have to be there to see - the level of cuteness is OFF THE CHARTS!
• "Can I have some more water? More water, please. Water?" You'd think these kids spent the night in the desert!
• That moment when you realize the stickers are on wrong on the Evangecube and it isn't because you were home schooled you can't figure out how the heck the thing works. Can we bring the wordless book back, please?!?
• When one kids legitimately asks for prayer because his dad is sick and suddenly all the kids have sick dads.
• Jesus, You're my super hero....
• That moment when you realize you probably shouldn't have allowed both of them to sit on your lap...legs breaking...
• Noah's laugh
• "Teacher Tiffany, my tummy feels funny" Exterior remains calm and collected....inside I'm terrified he'll actually throw up!
• Occasionally celebrities like Woody come to Clubhouse...

• That feeling when a kid is sitting in your lap and it suddenly feels warm...and then you realize you are just being overly paranoid and it's only warm in the room...
• Sophie points to Ryan - "He's not my brother" (he's her cousin but it's hilarious how upset she gets when people think he's her brother!)
• Parent whispers to child: "Tell Miss Tiffany Happy Valentine's Day" Child turns and exclaims: "HAPPY NEW YEAR MISS TIFFANY!!" I'm.in.love.
• Pajama Night!
• "No dad, go get other kids. I want to stay"
• Conversations with Claire (5 going on 18!)
• Teaching a lesson on Luke 17:11-19 and realizing I needed to hear it more than they did.
• The look in Sammy's eyes when I tell him he's makes me happy.
• Those kids are so much shorter than you, so they tap your leg not your shoulder to get your attention..."Teacher, Teacher..." pat, pat...only in preschool.
• How excited those kids get over crazy things like...BALLOONS!
• Sticky fingers and messy faces after ICE CREAM!
• "I just earned 29 15 45 100 points!" Dude! That's a big number!
• Asking 3 kids to help pull you off the floor after sitting for a lesson. What they don't know is you REALLY can't get up off the floor.
• "Teacher, How old ARE you?"
• Completely exhausted, tired of driving in snow storms, and wondering why I'm not at home in my pajamas...then this guy shows up...Spiderman, you're my hero!

Never Alone

Never alone
When your hope has been broken and the fear is unspoken but true
You're never alone
Like a dream in a child or a childish dream in you

I'll do anything that I can do 
To show you My love and comfort you
When you can't seem to find your way home
And when life gets too hard to face on your own
I will stand as a light through your darkest unknown
I will walk with you so you're never alone

You're never alone
Like a tear in the ocean or a star on a clear winter night
You're never alone
When the courage you needed has been all but defeated in you

I'll do anything that I can do
To show you My love and comfort you
When you can't seem to find your way home
And when life gets too hard to face on your own
I will stand as a light through your darkest unknown
I will walk with you
So you're never alone

My Nicknames

Nicknames are a big thing in my family, or at least, I love to give and get them. I have many names: Tiffany, Tiff, TT, Tip, Tippy, Tiffer, Tiffers, Fanny Tifton....and the list goes on and gets increasingly more and more embarrassing. Don't get any ideas - these names, if used by the wrong person, can produce a rather negative response.

I'm sure when my mother named me she never thought my name would be twisted into the nickname Fanny Tifton. Well Mom, it happened. I actually love the name my parents gave me. Tiffany means "Appearance of God" and has always challenged me to be a woman who is just that. It tells perfectly my desire for less of me and more of Him.

Of all the names I have been called, I like Teacher the best. I hear this name over and over on Tuesday evenings while I serve with the Preschool and Kindergartners at my church. Hearing their little voices call me "Teacher" is, perhaps, the most amazing sound in the world. I could never put into words the joy that fills my heart every time I hear it.

Last year, at Clubhouse Kids, we memorized Colossians 3:12 "Therefore as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience." Of course these words were put into a song we would sing, complete with hand motions, that will never leave my mind - ever!

The English Standard Version of this verse uses the words chosen, holy, beloved. They are three words I have spent a significant amount of time reflecting on. I've written them in large letters on the inside cover of my journal and I repeat them over and over when Satan tries to convince me I am some other name. 

Chosen - Holy - Beloved

Back in the day I was obsessed with Grey's Anatomy. I watched faithfully every Thursday night and usually cried my way through every episode. I'll never forget when Meredith Grey asked McDreamy to "pick me, choose me, love me." He had to make a choice between her and another woman. That scene is burned in my mind...Meredith begged and I cried. What girl doesn't long to be chosen? To be picked and loved above all others? I don't even want to admit to you how many times I've been standing in front of a man, fearful he won't pick me, and pleading (usually in my mind, cuz it's embarrassing to actually beg) for him to "pick me, choose me, love me." Obviously, he didn't choose me.

It took me a long time and a lot of heartbreak before I finally realized - Jesus has picked me, chosen me, loved me. I don't even have to beg! He chose me before I chose Him. Loved me before I loved Him. Died for me when I was "yet a sinner!" When I was ugly and sinful He reached down and loved the unlovable, the broken and sinful mess that was me.

Are you hearing this?!? This is big and it doesn't end here! He has chosen me, loved me, AND made me holy! Wait. What?!?

"Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. The old has passed away; behold the new has come." 2 Corinthians 5:17-18 

"Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit..." 1 Corinthians 6:19

If only it was actually possible to put into words what this truth means to me! This identity as His. Not only chosen and loved but also given Jesus' righteousness. A new creation - a temple for the Holy Spirit. God dwells in me. Holy. Set apart. His.

Chosen. Holy. Beloved.

Next time Satan tries to give you names of some other kind remind him of the nicknames Jesus died to give you, and then tell him to take a hike.

And if any of you find yourself standing in front of a man begging him to "pick you, choose you, love you" I suggest you turn around and walk away. Until someone is willing to pick you like Christ picked you, he isn't worth your time.