There's nothing quite like going through [literally] everything you own and packing it all into a 10x10 storage unit. It isn't exactly a process I'd recommend everyone go through. I've done it now - twice. This time it felt different. The packing marks the end of one season and the start of another exciting one.

This kind of transition can't come and go without taking a moment to reflect and remember where I've come from before looking to where I am going. This apartment has been a place of refuge, a haven where I found Jesus, the place where His presence was so real. It was here that He met me, daily providing my needs, patiently teaching and changing me, washing the dark corners of my heart, allowing pain and always promising healing. He wrote pages and pages of our love story in this apartment, boldly displaying His perfect love to a girl so desperate for a love unending. It was in these four walls that I finally understood that He is enough, where I finally surrendered completely to the story He was writing, where I came to the end of myself and He proved to be more than enough.

So, with every packed box I remember. I remember where my Jesus has taken me, the journey, the happy days, the sad days, the moments He felt so close, and those time I had wandered so far. Each box stacked high feels like a declaration of His goodness, His faithfulness, His mercy, and His grace. He has left His mark on every part. His grace woven through the moments of my life like a thread, holding together the parts that were broken and perfectly proclaiming His love.

And yet, leaving this place is difficult. I'm not sure why and I'm frustrated I even feel this way, but as these boxes pile up higher and higher I can't overcome the sense I'll never be in this place again. Yes, there are many parts of this life I don't mind giving up, but what if His presence is felt less? I want to stay in this place - it's comfortable here. What if the next season gets hard or I feel lonely? What if the next set of four walls I find myself in don't offer the same sense of fellowship with my Jesus? And while I know with all my heart that He is always with me, what if it doesn't seem that way?

It's really ridiculous, actually. This season of life I've been wishing away and the moment the light flickers at the end of the tunnel I feel compelled to shrink back into the dark corner of my little cave and feel anxious about the coming change. I feel a little foolish admitting the true reason for these emotions. It's almost as if every box sealed shut is like packing away my Jesus, sealing away a thousand memories and a million pieces of myself.

And then He whispers and the voice I learned to listen for quietly reminds me that He is God no matter where I live. His presence has nothing to do with my location. He knew I'd need Him, so He gave His Spirit and in me He dwells. I can't pack Him away. It has nothing to do with how I feel and everything to do with the reality that HE IS IN ME.

"Do you not know that you are God's temple and that God's Spirit dwells in you?" [1 Cor.3:16]

Nothing that matters is really changing - even if it feels as if everything is. My God  is who He says He is - always. period. He doesn't scold me for my emotions, He understands. He has a whole new list of lessons and opportunities for me to trust and rely on Him. I'll cry and fail, feel lonely and happy. And He won't change at all.

Living In The Moment...

Living in the moment…

I’ve been thinking about that phrase a lot today.

Shouldn’t it be a positive thing? Shouldn’t it make us feel happy, carefree, content, loved, wanted, fulfilled….and on and on…

The world tells us to live there – in the moment. Say what you want to say, do what you want to do. If it makes you happy then by all means go there. If it feels good, don’t stop. Just do what seems like the most fun and don't over think things. Be spontaneous. Go with the flow. It doesn’t really seem to work the way they make it sound. Sure in the moment it may all seem perfectly acceptable, feel good, make you happy. But what about after? What happens when that moment has past? What are you left with then?

I’m not sure what your experiences have been, but my in the moment experiences have often left me feeling rather unhappy, unloved, unwanted, and unfulfilled. All leading me to feel that this in the moment philosophy is rather flawed.

I want to live my life in some other place. Somewhere less impulsive and more grounded. In a place where my feelings, wants, and needs can't ever override what is ultimately best for me and those I care about. A place where joy is never sacrificed for a moment of happiness. A place where best wins over good. A place where my actions line up with God’s plan to glorify Himself through my life. A place where He rules and I do not.

My perspective needs to change.

I need to live in ETERNITY.

I need to view my choices through the lens of ETERNITY.

This life we live is a moment, a blip on the radar of The Almighty who stands outside the restraints of time in a place called ETERNITY with a perspective that we could never, will never, fully comprehend as long as we are held fast in the grip of TIME. From this place He is composing the most wonderful story. A story where He is declared over and over as I AM, where His glory shines forever. A story that He has graciously allowed us to be a part of. A story where our choices matter – regardless of how insignificant those choices may seem in the moment.

And the enemy wants us to believe that our choices in this blip of time couldn’t possibly have that great of an impact on our own lives and much less ETERNITY….but ETERNITY is coming…in a moment we will be with HIM – GOD ALMIGHTY. And while I want to focus on the part where I am made like Him and He wipes all my tears away, there is also going to be a time when I give an account for how I lived. I feel like in that moment the excuse of “Oh, I was just living in the moment, God!” is going to drop like a small smooth pebble thrown into vast raging ocean...meaningless...lost...pointless...

I think He cares – that is, I think God cares about these little moments in our lives. Those small decisions where it may not be a matter of right and wrong but best over good. I think it matters to Him. I think He desires that we, in those moments, press pause and take a look through the window of ETERNITY and contemplate the impact of the decision.  Those seemingly harmless decisions matter. They are just as important as those big moments, when temptation stares us in the face and we have to make the choice between God's way or sin. I think God cares about those decisions, however big or small, all just the same. It all counts. And there is a joy indescribable when we make the choice to live our lives in light of ETERNITY. It is there we feel loved, carefree, content, wanted, and fulfilled because it is there that we find I AM. 

So just in case I forget to remember, I’m writing it here….I’m living my life in light of ETERNITY.

Worship

Worship is a weapon. Did you know that? I hadn’t really seen it as such until recently. 

The choice to worship in the midst of our struggle is a weapon - a tool to be used as we wait on the Lord to move, to act, and to work miracles on our behalf. It is what to do when we do not know what to do.

Those times in life are dark, they are painful, they are lonely. When anxiety settles in, when fear overwhelms, when loneliness becomes unbearable - our praise is a weapon. It is a lifeline when all around us is falling apart.

It is like a light in the dark. Our praise in the darkness of our lives, in the waiting, in the struggle, in the loneliness, in the sorrow, in the suffering - our praise is like lighting a candle in a dark, damp, cold cave. It is a reminder that God Almighty is greater than whatever it is we are suffering through. 

He is greater than our anxiety, greater than our stress, greater than our loss, greater than our loneliness, greater than our pain, greater than our struggle. He is I AM. And at the very mention of Jesus' Name the enemy must flee. And he does. Scripture tells us that even the demons tremble at the name of Jesus. Even the demons know who God is. So our worship is a weapon.

Worship.

It’s like an invitation saying “God, I know this place You have me in is dark and lonely. And, honestly, I need a miracle if I’m ever going to get out of here. But You are I AM, so I’m going to worship You right here, right now. Because that’s what You deserve and that’s what my life is about – You.”

And then you worship. 

You whisper a hymn, a word, a song – and your eyes open wider and you know He is there. And suddenly, that crushing weight, that dark cloud - oh it’s still there - but suddenly your focus has shifted, your eyes have lifted, the atmosphere is changing. Like the flicker of a candle's flame illuminates a dark, cold, damp cave...you realize...

I AM.

Is.

Here.

And that miracle you’ve been begging God for, that one thing that needs to happen to get you out of this place – it hasn’t happened but a miracle has happened. Because you’ve survived. You made it through the night, the day, the week, the month. And the things you thought you just couldn’t go on and do you are doing. The miracle isn’t that God took away your suffering – the miracle is that He has sustained you through it.The miracle isn't that He has finally answered all your prayers just the way you wanted. It is that you've been hanging by a thread and He miraculously caught you. The miracle isn't the vanishing of suffering it is the sudden appearing of the Almighty God in a dark and terrible place. The miracle is that I AM is with you. I AM has sustained you. I AM has held you. I AM has waited with you. I AM has wiped your tears. I AM has held your hand through it all. 

That is the miracle.

But you don't realize it until you worship. You don't notice unless you worship. It isn't until your eyes are peeled away from the darkness around you that you notice He is there with you, waiting patiently with you, comforting, sustaining - being I AM for you. 

It is still dark. It is still lonely. The storm rages. The end isn't even in view. You still need a miracle to bring you out of this place - but while you are in this place you have a weapon - you have a duty - you have a purpose.

Worship.

Invite God in. Lean closer. Look up.

Worship is our weapon, it is our defense against all that comes to steal our joy. It is how we proclaim God as I AM and surrender.

Worship is a declaration, the war cry of God's people, that He is I AM. And it is I AM who has stretched out His mighty arms to us and offered His steadfast, enduring love to comfort and support us.

Our worship invites Him into the darkest places of our lives so that He can breathe His life into us and find hope again in Him!

"By day the Lord commands His steadfast love and at night His song is with me, a prayer to the God of my life...Why are you cast down, O my soul, and why are you in turmoil within me? Hope in God; for I shall again praise Him, my Salvation and my God." 
Psalm 42:8 & 11

***this post was written after listening to a message by Louie Giglio titled, "I Lift My Hands," as well as the result of dealing with my own battles with anxiety, loss, and loneliness - through which the Holy Spirit has taught me to worship***