Often times behind the exterior of this fashionable, well dressed, not so ugly woman is a rather ugly heart. I know, shocking, isn't it?
It's true and it really annoys me. Especially those days that begin so well. I've managed to actually HEAR my alarm and get out of bed at a decent time. I've had my coffee and spent time in prayer. I've finally did my laundry so I have a cute outfit to wear. I've rocked out with Hillsong on the drive to work and I step out of my car with the good intentions of being nothing less than the beautiful woman HE created me to be. And within minutes I'm sitting at my desk and the smallest little something has turned my heart to complaining, frustration, and dare I say...anger!
I should add that somewhere between the coffee and the prayer I inadvertently put on a big old sign that says, "Hey Satan, come get me!" I feel like I shouldn't be surprised when the days that start off well are the hardest to finish well. Every time I'm shocked when living in the power of the Holy Spirit proves to require more discipline than I originally thought. You'd think I'd get it by now...
I can't tell you how many times a week I put my makeup on and pray at the same time the Lord would make me beautiful within - not just on the outside. Sounds super spiritual of me, doesn't it? Don't be fooled. The asking is the easy part, the challenge is the changing - actually being a woman who is beautiful on the inside isn't as easy as applying some foundation and eyeshadow! Every time I'm shocked when He takes me up on my request to change me. He never forces Himself in, but waits for me to surrender and then HE shines HIS light into those dark corners of my heart and I inevitably see something ugly. Where did that come from?
All this brings to mind Romans 3:10 which says "None is righteous, no, not one." I think it is often so easy for me to think I've got my stuff together and then - these days come and this verse seems truer of me than any other verse in the bible.
It's so easy to hang my head in frustration and shame. Do you ever do this? Oh friend, how He loves us - even when our hearts are ugly! This may be my favorite thing about my Heavenly Father - how He loves me. How He never condemns me or points a finger at me to say "Huh, so all that stuff this morning about being a beautiful woman on this inside meant nothing?!?" He loves me just the same. His Spirit convicts me of my heart of sin, I am forgiven, and we move on.
I'm reminded of these verses...
"For our sake He (God) made Him (Jesus) to be sin who knew no sin, so that in Him we might become the righteousness of God." 2 Corinthians 5:21
"Therefore, as one trespass led to condemnation for all men, so ONE ACT OF RIGHTEOUSNESS leads to justification and life for all men. For as by the one man's disobedience the many were made sinners, so by the ONE MAN'S OBEDIENCE the many will be made righteous. Now the law came in to increase the trespass, but where sin increased grace abounded all the more, so that, as sin reigned in death, grace also might reign through righteousness leading to eternal life through Jesus Christ our Lord." Romans 5:18-21
(Um, Amen doesn't seem enough for all the truth packed in those verses!)
We are REDEEMED individuals living in a broken, messed up world in sinful, human bodies. And it's a battle we fight daily against the flesh and against this world. When I say battle I mean an all out WAR because some days it takes a fight to overcome this ugly heart of mine. It takes will power to step out of this ugliness and even that isn't enough. In my own strength I am worthless. Jesus knew what He was doing when He gave us the gift of the Holy Spirit - God IN us. This gift given for those days that start off so well and then the battle rages and we can't overcome on our own. In those moments we are given a choice - to walk in the power of our Helper, the Holy Spirit, and live in the victory that is already ours through Christ!
Oh, for the strength to not give up or give in! May Jesus scrub those ugly corners of my heart with His REDEEMING blood. What I find there may indeed be ugly, and the "scrubbing" away may seem like a never ending and often painful process. But He died to give me (and you) this victory - He desires to claim every hidden corner of my heart! He longs to make me beautiful on the inside. There is none righteous - except for Christ. Whose righteousness was sufficient to make us righteous in spite of our plain old ugly hearts!!
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