This has possibly been one of the most difficult semesters yet, by far the most discouraging. For the first time since returning to school I have had serious doubts about my decision to become a teacher. The question “am I really cut out for this” keeps popping into my head, and let me tell you, it is hard to get that thought out of there. If it wasn’t for a strong sense that this is truly what the Lord has for me, I’m sure I would have dropped out a long time ago. I realize that my struggles are mainly related to the fact that I decided to “double up” on classes this semester. It seemed a small price to pay in order to graduate a semester earlier. Leading into the second half of my first semester in Cohort 46 I knew I was going to be busy, I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Never again…but I’ll be doing the same next Fall. Thanksgiving is just a few short weeks away and I keep telling myself if I can just make it to Thanksgiving I should be able to make it to the end of the semester. That is, of course, as long as I don’t die before then! It is something to look forward too, though.

Reality

I decided I wanted this blog to document my journey to becoming a teacher and don't believe a lack of blogging is going to effectively accomplish my goal. Though, the silence in my blogging is perhaps the best picture of the reality of my current schedule. I have time for nothing "fun" and even when I decide to set aside my homework the guilt I feel for not doing that homework is pathetic! This is honestly the busiest I have ever been in my life. Between work and school I feel there isn't even enough time to sleep. Regardless, this is my life and I know that it will all end soon enough and I will look back and feel proud of myself.

The Basic Skills exam was a few weeks ago. Certainly the first time since my ACT test that I had to sit in a room for hours and answer multiple choice questions by filling in tiny little circles. I was clearly out of practice and left the test site feeling horrible depressed. I have no idea how I did, in fact, I'm not sure I even passed. All my own insecurities came flooding in and I felt plain old stupid. So much for that A in algebra class...I could hardly finish the math section on the test. All well, such is life, and I can always test again (I'll have to).

I am starting another class this Monday, Contemporary World Affairs, which is going to stretch my brain for sure. Of course I feel no interest in the subject at all, but am hoping I surprise myself. At least I find the professor for the class hilarious and I know she will keep me awake for those 4 long hours of class every Monday night. This class will end when the semester ends, so if I can just make it to....December! Wow, that's so far away.

Reality is - I'll live through it all. I guess that is a good thing. Besides, I have no idea what I would do with myself if there wasn't homework to do every night! Well, wait, maybe I could do laundry, or wash dishes, clean the bathroom, read a book, watch TV, do a puzzle, visit a friend, sleep....ah, those things can all be done AFTER school!

The Light

Could it be that there is a light at the end of the tunnel? Hard to believe, but I am actually just a few short weeks from the start of my Cohort at Trinity International University. This means that I am FINALLY beginning classes in my major, something I thought was never going to happen! I have joked for the past year that I was going to be 99 when I finally got to graduate and that I would need a walker to get me across the stage to get my diploma. While more of a joke to make my coworkers laugh, I began to feel like it might all come true. To my surprise I have been able to squeeze my way into a cohort this fall. I still have six general education credits to complete, but that can be done while taking classes in my major. I think I will be able to pull it all off. The light?!? Well, I can see it, but it is still pretty far way!