God & I had a moment....

God and I had a moment on Sunday. He spent the weekend allowing me to fall as low as emotionally possible and the moment my alarm went off on Sunday morning I was begging Him to meet me at church. I needed Him, I needed to be reminded of all that He is, of His love for me, I needed something I could grab hold of and look to when life seemed impossible.

He met me at church alright. It was like nothing I've ever really experienced before.

Looking back I realize that my "moment with God" on Sunday would never had been if I hadn't had such a difficult weekend, if my heart hadn't felt broken, if I hadn't reached the end of myself. So often I wonder why He lets me walk down certain paths, why hurt seems to come so unnecessarily, or why He would let life get so low. I recognize now that this weekend He allowed me to get so low, He was silent all weekend long, so that on Sunday morning when we sang in worship "Hallelujah, all I have is Christ. Hallelujah, Jesus is my life." I would feel His presence so strongly, I would recognize that nothing else in this life matters but Christ and I would sing at the top of my lungs, full of emotion, because My God is all I have and all I need.

Philippians 4:4-7

"Rejoice in the Lord always, again I will say, Rejoice! Let your reasonableness be known to everyone. The Lord is at hand, do not e anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

This passage is amazing..."and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding (as in it's beyond what anyone could explain or make sense of!), will (not might, but will) guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." What comfort....do not be anxious, rejoice in the Lord (not just anything....but in HIM)!

Ramblings...

This white chocolate peppermint hot chocolate is pretty darn good and it is helping to mask how pathetic I feel sitting here at Stone Creek Coffee - alone. I do it all the time, but for some reason being surrounded by chattery, young college students has me feeling a bit inferior. I should get over it. I’ll work on that. 

I’m trying to become a writer. You know, one of those people who is incredibly creative and has an amazing way of describing the most ridiculous things in the most beautiful ways. Perhaps that will never really be me, but sitting here typing away on my MacBook makes me feel a little more like a human being with value. It just took a while to get past the, “oh my gosh, I feel so old sitting here” feelings. I think I am getting over all of that now...well maybe. I’m back on the college students and I’m pretty sure I was going to get over that.

Let’s talk about relationships. I am slowly becoming an expert on relationships that end with no real reason. Through it all I believe I am learning an incredible lesson, one I want to pass along in someway to other young ladies. However, I’m not really sure how that can actually be done. For the time being, I’ll write about it because writing is what makes my poor lonely soul feel like it has a voice. It also make the loneliness feel like it has a purpose and the lessons I learn could not be learned in any other way. It is, however, slightly terrifying to put some of your most personal mistakes and lessons learned up on the internet for the world to read. Who am I kidding, no one really reads my blog, but what if someone did one day! Randomly an actual human being, maybe someone I even know, could stubble upon my silly little blog and shake their heads over my ridiculous ramblings on and on about things that more than likely make literally no sense at all. Oh my, I think I should begin reconsidering my decision on this one.