Difficult Places

Sometimes we find ourselves in difficult, dark places. Some kind of bad news has entered into the story of our lives and the joy we so easily felt is replaced with a heavy, almost unbearable discouragement. God are you there? It is only natural that we want to find our way out of these dark places, to claw our way to the light, to freedom, to happiness. But what if we lingered for a moment. What if we stopped to take a breath, even if it is feeling hard to breathe? What if, instead of finding our own way out, we let God show us? What if we allow ourselves to feel the pain that brought us to the dark place, to cry the bitter tears, to yell for help, to beg for healing and then wait? Wait for the light to appear at the end of the tunnel. Wait for the Holy Spirit to strengthen us, empower us, and lead us out of the darkness. 

I have been in dark places before and one thing I know for sure, these difficult places pass and joyful seasons come and, inevitably, another difficult season approaches and often darker that the one before. It seems to be the constant ebb and flow of life - deep valleys contrasted with high, spectacular mountain top moments. All part of the refining process, making our faith stronger, deepening our resolve to hold fast to God’s promises. 

I often feel as though I wanted to run through the fire that God was allowing me to walk through. Almost an attitude of “okay, I know this is part of the Christian life, but let’s get this over with - now!” Who in their right mind would ever stand in the midst of a fire and not desperately try to escape? But God is there IN THE FIRE. The Holy Spirit used the testimony of Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah (Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego) to confirm my thoughts on all of these things. In Daniel 3 they refuse to bow down to Nebuchadnezzar's  golden image, in obedience to the One True God, and are cast into a fiery furnace. Most certainly a "dark" moment for them. They believed God could deliver them. They did not pretend to know what He would choose to do, only that He was THE True God, the only One worthy of their worship. It wasn’t until then were thrown into the fiery furnace that Jesus Himself appeared there with them. They walked about in that place with Jesus! In the dark places we can learn to fellowship with Jesus. 

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flames shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God..." Isaiah 43:2

I have this overwhelming sense that there is no reason to rush this season. No reason to push through the pain. I have a Heavenly Father who has promised to carry me through this life and into eternity. This bad news, this dark place, this pain, however ungodly it may feel it, it cannot destroy me. My future is secure, decided, an most assuredly filled with joy. 

This too shall pass. God is not finished with me yet, and I have faith that He is working all things for good and His glory. 

Have you ever wanted to do something, but then had no clue how to go about doing it? That is me with this blog. All day long I have words forming in my mind, weaving their way around the ordinary parts of my day, and I think, "I should blog about that!" So I pull out my laptop and try to will those same beautiful words to come, but they don't.

I stare at a blank screen. Close my laptop and walk away.

I'm caught some place between the idea and the carrying out of the idea. By the time I've pulled my laptop out I've been able to convince myself that those words I wanted to share aren't really worth sharing. 

I get stuck.

Until the next day when I'm thinking and working and living and those words come parading through my mind again and I think, "oh, how lovely, I should write about that." and then I never do. 

Mayhem

Her name is Mayhem because within the first 24 hours of her life her mother lost her - twice! The first time we thought she had been lost forever. CJ (her mother) paced the pasture like a mad cow for hours, bellowing the whole time. Grandpa eventually came over to help me look and he had me looking for evidence a bear had carried the calf away! *sob* 

Thankfully, we found her a short while later sleeping under the lilac bush in the neighbors yard. She was afraid to cross back into our pasture because the fence was hot and she had to walk through water to get there. I'm sure she got a good shock on her first trip to the neighbors and this is likely why we had no problems with her going over there again!

The second time she was lost was later that night when her mother started bellowing again. You can hear the distress in their bellow and it breaks my heart. Kevin kept assuring me her mother would locate her, but eventually humored me by going out to take a look for her. We couldn't find any evidence of the calf. CJ didn't seem as worked up as she had been earlier in the day so we took this to mean she had an idea where her calf would be. It wasn't until nearly nine at night when Kevin went out to look again for the calf (at this point I was in bed crying and I think he just wanted to get me to stop) and found her nursing her mother in a back corner of the pasture!

What a little trouble maker she is! I wanted to name her Mayberry and then after all the shenanigans we thought Mayday might be more appropriate. However, it is only fair that Kevin should name this calf since I named the last one, and he settled on Mayhem. She has lived up to the name since. She is almost always ahead or behind the rest of the herd. She is always looking to get into trouble, especially with her cousin, Tbone (the bull calf born a few weeks after Mayhem). I love her. She is spunky and runs with her tail in the air and always seems to be looking for adventure. 

She is big and strong and will grow up to be a good mama, that is if she doesn't get into too much trouble before then!