Advent

The Christmas before I met my husband I read through Louie Giglio's advent book, Waiting Here for You. I have some great memories of that Christmas season sitting by the white lit Christmas tree in my little apartment crying as I focused my heart on the HOPE of Christmas. I was alone and, at 30, it was a struggle for me. It felt as if w
aiting was the never ending story of my life. What I discovered as I refocused my heart on the true meaning of the Christmas season was that what my heart longed for wasn't a husband, it was Jesus. Suddenly my wait was about Jesus to come again, my whole focus had shifted. It was beautiful and one of the most wonderful memories of Christmas I have. Little did I know that less than a month later God would bring Kevin into my life. In a moment the waiting was over. I was in love and a year later on December 5, 2014 I was married. It is incredible how God works! How He can move so quietly and seemingly slow, yet in an instant, fast and furious, life is changed forever!

I am planning to read through Waiting Here for You as usual this Christmas season. Only this year I want to take the time to blog through out and share what the Lord is doing in my heart as I read. I know He will be stirring up something beautiful just as He always has. This year I am waiting again. Not for a husband but for a child. Kevin and I have been hoping and praying and trying for a baby for well over a year now. The summer brought difficult news about my own health and we have had to face the possibility we may never have our own children. We really don't know, only God does. We both still believe that God can do all things. He is Creator. He is Sovereign. Even this is not to big for Him.

All this to say, my heart is soft and tender, broken and ready to be molded into something more like Christ. God is using this wait just as He did my wait for Kevin to make me into something beautiful, someone who reflects His Son. It is incredible to me that this is what God does for His children, but He does it and it offers hope and gives meaning to my wait. 

What I hope is that this advent season will be much like that first Christmas a few years ago, where my heart's focus was completely shifted. My eyes turned heavenward and my longings and desires  realigned with God's own desires. It really was a Christmas miracle that year. I need the same this year, to be refocused and renewed. I cannot know if or when our wait for a baby will end, but I do know that this season of waiting cannot be wasted.