Advent

The Christmas before I met my husband I read through Louie Giglio's advent book, Waiting Here for You. I have some great memories of that Christmas season sitting by the white lit Christmas tree in my little apartment crying as I focused my heart on the HOPE of Christmas. I was alone and, at 30, it was a struggle for me. It felt as if w
aiting was the never ending story of my life. What I discovered as I refocused my heart on the true meaning of the Christmas season was that what my heart longed for wasn't a husband, it was Jesus. Suddenly my wait was about Jesus to come again, my whole focus had shifted. It was beautiful and one of the most wonderful memories of Christmas I have. Little did I know that less than a month later God would bring Kevin into my life. In a moment the waiting was over. I was in love and a year later on December 5, 2014 I was married. It is incredible how God works! How He can move so quietly and seemingly slow, yet in an instant, fast and furious, life is changed forever!

I am planning to read through Waiting Here for You as usual this Christmas season. Only this year I want to take the time to blog through out and share what the Lord is doing in my heart as I read. I know He will be stirring up something beautiful just as He always has. This year I am waiting again. Not for a husband but for a child. Kevin and I have been hoping and praying and trying for a baby for well over a year now. The summer brought difficult news about my own health and we have had to face the possibility we may never have our own children. We really don't know, only God does. We both still believe that God can do all things. He is Creator. He is Sovereign. Even this is not to big for Him.

All this to say, my heart is soft and tender, broken and ready to be molded into something more like Christ. God is using this wait just as He did my wait for Kevin to make me into something beautiful, someone who reflects His Son. It is incredible to me that this is what God does for His children, but He does it and it offers hope and gives meaning to my wait. 

What I hope is that this advent season will be much like that first Christmas a few years ago, where my heart's focus was completely shifted. My eyes turned heavenward and my longings and desires  realigned with God's own desires. It really was a Christmas miracle that year. I need the same this year, to be refocused and renewed. I cannot know if or when our wait for a baby will end, but I do know that this season of waiting cannot be wasted.  

My Veteran

One of my favorite things about my husband is the strength of his character. Those who know him know him to be a good, honest, moral, caring, wise, godly man. He decided from a young age that he would be a follower of Christ and he has not wavered in his conviction since. This amazes me, because so many of us (including myself) have our moments of weakness and failure and some turn from the Lord for a season or even entirely.

Not so with my husband and this is one of his greatest gifts to me.

Possibly one of the most significant tests of his character and faith were the years he served our country in the Army. While deployed in Iraq he experienced some significant persecution for his faith. He was tested in ways I've never been. Tempted by his fellow soldiers to sin in some big and small ways, tempted to somehow abandon his beliefs as a Christian.

He never did.

This photo represents to me not only my husband's sacrifices in serving his country, but also the goodness of the Lord in empowering him to withstand the against the schemes of the devil. It represents all that I love about him - who he is as a man, as a soldier, as a husband, and as a Christian.

This Veteran's Day I am thankful for all who have served and are serving our country. Today and every day I am especially thankful for my husband. Who served with his whole heart and for the love of his country. Who returned home having been changed forever by his experiences, but resolved not to allow his experiences to change his love for the Lord.

Thank you, Kevin, for fighting the good fight, for standing firm not only in the US Army, but also in the Lord's army! I am so proud to be your wife!

Difficult Places

Sometimes we find ourselves in difficult, dark places. Some kind of bad news has entered into the story of our lives and the joy we so easily felt is replaced with a heavy, almost unbearable discouragement. God are you there? It is only natural that we want to find our way out of these dark places, to claw our way to the light, to freedom, to happiness. But what if we lingered for a moment. What if we stopped to take a breath, even if it is feeling hard to breathe? What if, instead of finding our own way out, we let God show us? What if we allow ourselves to feel the pain that brought us to the dark place, to cry the bitter tears, to yell for help, to beg for healing and then wait? Wait for the light to appear at the end of the tunnel. Wait for the Holy Spirit to strengthen us, empower us, and lead us out of the darkness. 

I have been in dark places before and one thing I know for sure, these difficult places pass and joyful seasons come and, inevitably, another difficult season approaches and often darker that the one before. It seems to be the constant ebb and flow of life - deep valleys contrasted with high, spectacular mountain top moments. All part of the refining process, making our faith stronger, deepening our resolve to hold fast to God’s promises. 

I often feel as though I wanted to run through the fire that God was allowing me to walk through. Almost an attitude of “okay, I know this is part of the Christian life, but let’s get this over with - now!” Who in their right mind would ever stand in the midst of a fire and not desperately try to escape? But God is there IN THE FIRE. The Holy Spirit used the testimony of Hananiah, Mishael, and Azariah (Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego) to confirm my thoughts on all of these things. In Daniel 3 they refuse to bow down to Nebuchadnezzar's  golden image, in obedience to the One True God, and are cast into a fiery furnace. Most certainly a "dark" moment for them. They believed God could deliver them. They did not pretend to know what He would choose to do, only that He was THE True God, the only One worthy of their worship. It wasn’t until then were thrown into the fiery furnace that Jesus Himself appeared there with them. They walked about in that place with Jesus! In the dark places we can learn to fellowship with Jesus. 

"When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flames shall not consume you. For I am the LORD your God..." Isaiah 43:2

I have this overwhelming sense that there is no reason to rush this season. No reason to push through the pain. I have a Heavenly Father who has promised to carry me through this life and into eternity. This bad news, this dark place, this pain, however ungodly it may feel it, it cannot destroy me. My future is secure, decided, an most assuredly filled with joy. 

This too shall pass. God is not finished with me yet, and I have faith that He is working all things for good and His glory.