If I was depressed last Monday, I took things to a whole new level this Monday. I hate bills.
I'm kidding...well only on the depressed part.
On to more serious things...
A common theme in my recent visits with the Lord has been the wilderness. It has come up in a variety of ways - in the books I am reading, the passages of Scripture I find myself in, and even in the sermons I'm listening to. This concept of being refined while I am in the desert or wilderness has been on my heart for several weeks now. Fact is, God puts us in these places. Think of David...he ran from Saul and we got Psalms. I wonder if he realized his desert would give us something as beautiful as the Psalms? Our loving Heavenly Father even put Jesus in the wilderness for 40 days and 40 nights. There is a theme through out the Bible, I dare you to check it out.
I believe God does this intentionally, purposefully fashioning each our deserts to fit our needs, to mend our wandering hearts and reveal to us His perfect self. In the desert, in our wilderness we meet God. Face to face. Heart to heart. And it is here that He breaks us of self and sanctifies us!
So many times I have prayed, begging God to make me into the woman HE desires me to be and then when I find myself in a desert, in the wilderness, I sit and complain. "Where are you God and why in the world have YOU put me here!?"
In the same breath I'll cry out for the Lord to give me His eyes, to help me to understand His will. All while I am failing to see the connection between this time in the wilderness and the revelation of His will. I want Him to refine me, but I don't want to feel the pain of that refining process.
His will is actually for me, for us, to spend time in this wilderness. It is in this place that I see Him so clearly. I feel His presence so strongly. Here He teaches me, so perfectly, to love Him above all else. He shows me what it is to desire Him above my own comfort. I learn to pray, to understand Him, and experience a true, deep relationship with Him. Suddenly, I am experiencing what it is like to pray continually and I recognize that there really is no one else for me.
All of this in a place of testing, of trial, and often pain.
For whatever reason, Romans 12:2 comes to mind: "Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect."
Over and over those words have run through my mind...
Do not be conformed...
Be transformed...
By the renewal of your mind...
That by testing...
The will of God...
Over and over I have whispered them as I sit here in this wilderness.
That by testing you may discern what is the will of God...
Is this really where He reveals His will to me, is THIS really where I see His face, know His heart? Here in this desert place? Here where even the simplest of things are a struggle? Here where I cry out over and over only to hear silence? This place, this testing is where He plans to reveal what is good and acceptable and perfect?
yes. here.
"O God, You are my God; earnestly I seek You; my soul thirst for You; my flesh faints for You; as in a dry and weary land where there is no water...Because Your steadfast love is better than life my lips will praise You. So I will bless You as long as I live; in Your name I will lift up my hands...for You have been my help and in the shadow of Your wings I will sing for joy. My soul clings to You; Your right hand upholds me." Psalm 63:1, 3-4, 7-8
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